I have been horribly ignoring this blog and I don't even have a good excuse. Yes getting a new place, getting used to being alone, starting my summer job, those are alright excuses. But I could have been blogging about all of that. I just suck. Plain and simple.
A slightly better excuse is that I have so much to blog about I just don't know where to start. Since the break up things have been up and down, but that's to be expected. They are gradually going up more than down so that's nice. We're still friends sometimes and that's nice too. It'll get better.
I've been hanging out with my friend V almost constantly for the last three months. We used to just drink all the damn time. Ah lot. But it's one of my ways of coping. But lately within the last month or so we've been doing fun stuff outside of bars. We've been having Saturday Adventure Days. We built a fire pit at her brothers house, we BBQ all the time, she was on the radio. Got our hair did and she watched a dog die the same day. OK that one's not good, but weird and random. But basically, we're learning how to be happy again and it's awesome. Sure we still drink but not anywhere near the level it was at.
About my job, I've started back at the knife shop. Fifth year for eff sake. But I racked up all kinds of bills during the last year so I gotta get em paid down somehow. I was going to try and keep Thursday nights at the bar since it's summer and way busier. I did it twice and decided I don't want to do both jobs. So it's knives for the summer and I'll most likely go back to bartending at the 'Vous this fall. That is if I don't get a wild hair and move somewhere crazy.
I keep feeling like I should move. I get restless after a couple of years, I get it from my dad. But every time I move, I just end up wanting to come back home to Juneau. It has a sick hold over me. Maybe I could get someone to move into my place for the winter, not really give everything up. We'll see.
I've been feeling very socially conscientious lately. Like I want to make a fucking difference. I know I can't change peoples minds and opinions, but I can give them options they might not have known about. I want to make a difference. I want to make an impact on the world. I've felt like this off and on since high school. Specifically regarding gay rights, even though at the time I definitely didn't identify as gay. But some part of my brain knew. Now the rest of me caught up.
Speaking of the whole gay thing, it drives me insane when people say I'm not gay. I had a good (gay) friend say that to me a couple of weeks ago. I almost cried. I can't help it I'm a bi femme and about as far under the gaydar as you can get. I'm still fucking gay. Don't marginalize me. Please. I don't really think bi is the right term for me. It is but it isn't. Yes I've liked men, yes I've liked women. I don't fall for the gender I fall for the person. But I am whole heartily more attracted to women. As I like to say, I get a little straight when I drink. It just happens in a town this size, it's more likely for me to meet a guy than a girl. Which leads me to the next subject.
I met a girl! Huzzah! I don't know what's gonna happen. Whatever does is going to take a nice long time because she is only in town every other weekend for the summer. Which is really good cause I'm not good at going slow. I don't drive but I own a UHaul kinda mentality. But she's incredibly chivalrous and sweet. And it's so nice to kiss a girl again. I've been floating in the stratosphere since last Wednesday and I love it. It's better than any man made drug out there. I am most certainly a fan of this feeling.
And on that oh so long winded note, I believe I have caught my readerless blog up to date. Until next time...
