Thursday, August 19, 2010

Invention of Briday

We are still discussing the right date for the Big Day. I think we might stick with May 28th, but June 18th is in the running. It's so tricky because of my birthday on the 12th. I really don't want our wedding to be so close, but it could be the best time of year for it. Especially since we want to have it outdoors. Eek I know, what a crazy idea for this rain soaked town. Bleh I don't care, I'm gonna make it work. We have a very loose plan for the day, contingent on two locations that may not be available as we need them. So that's also scary. But ya know, we've been pretty damn lucky thus far in our amazing universe built for two that I think it will all work out.

Ideas that are floating around the ol' noggin. Here are a few things I've found on e.sty... I really like the idea of blue birds or just two birds for our cake topper.

But then there are these cuties! I love all the designs from this vendor.

But this is the one I really want. Unfortunately it's ridiculously over priced, but I could just see it on our cake. Le sigh.

I would like to have little people on top of the cake as long as it definitely looked like two girls. I think this last one is perfect, all you would have to do is change the hair color and add eyelashes and freckles to the groom. So cute.

And I found these awesome champagne flutes...
Following the bird theme..

Or following my love of sugar skulls...


And for table decorations, etc...
More birds!

And just to cement my nerd-dom...cootie catchers with bride-bride trivia.


And here is a sketch I did of a possible tying the knot dress pour moi. I'm thinking tea length and retro but posh with a little veil and flower/feather fascinator.


So those are some of my ideas so far. I'm sure I'll get many more ideas tomorrow, Briday! So until I get a job Friday's will be turned into myself and another to be wed chickie sitting around talking weddings and drinking. Aww yeah! I love me some fun-employment. Not really though. Give me a job. So I can pay for the wedding I'm planning! :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Music To Remember

With ten zillion different wedding decisions swirling through my head, a lot can get misplaced. So I'm going to compile songs I want at the reception while they are in the forefront of my head.

Forever- Debra Arlyn


Let's Do It- Joan Jett & Paul Westerberg


You and I- Ingrid Michaelson (But I want the version with Jason Mraz)


Lucky- Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat
Lets Get Married- Jagged Edge
Power of Two- Indigo Girls
Perfect- Doria Roberts
When I Get Up- Tegan & Sara
Anything, Anywhere- Melissa Ferrick

Anyways, that's what I have for now. At least I have them written down and maybe I won't forget about them.

Friday, July 23, 2010

(Un)limited Options

First and foremost, I am NOT a supporter of the lack of marriage equality. Especially because I live in a state that seems to think I should NOT be allowed to marry my beautiful future wife.

One of the most common responses to our announcement to friends, after congratulations and wow you guys don't even live together yet!, is the question of where we will be getting married. Will we go to a state that recognizes same sex marriages as marriages? Will we get married for "real"? Which is a perfectly normal question and a good one to ask ourselves. Do we want/ need/ desire a signed document from the government stating we are legally bound to one another? I completely want that piece of paper. However going to another state to get married doesn't change anything in our daily lives in our limited benefit state. I want to get married for "real" here! I want every state I pass through/ live in/ dream about vacationing in to recognize my wife as my wife!

I have read about couples getting married legally outside of their state, having a small legal ceremony and then having a big, closer to home wedding. That brings up two issues with me. One, I am so not made of money. Our wedding is going to be spendy in that it's an unnecessary expense and damn if it's not going to be effing fabulous! So the idea of shelling out money for our big fat gay wedding here and then arranging to fly to another state and do something there, well it makes my wallet cringe. Plus who do you invite to the legal ceremony? And then where?? The second issue is that then one of your weddings becomes more real than the other. What's the opposite of real? Fake. And I don't want even a slight hint of fake having anything to do with our wedding. There is nothing more real than the undying love we have for each other and that's exactly what a wedding should be about.

Not having the option to legally wed in Alaska (thanks jerkfaces), in a way opens up way more choices. Well hell if we can't get married here, lets go somewhere where we can! And fuck, if it doesn't make a difference legally, why even stay in the country? We could get married in some interesting places. Iceland anyone? The Prime Minister and her partner just legally tied the knot. Hurray ladies! But then that really just expands on the issue of how many weddings and who attends which and blah blah blah. Not being able to legally wed has really made me at least think about a lot of different possibilities that I might not have otherwise. All of this is just an interesting observance and no effing way an endorsement for my lack of choice in the matter. I just want the choice to stay in my boring little rainy ass town and declare my love and dedication to the love of my life in front of my friends and family. And then have it "mean something" when I file my taxes.

And while my ranting amps up, might I just add how disappointing (or maybe surprising) the location of same sex marriage states is? I am very, very happy that we have five states to marry in. Currently they are Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C. Same sex marriages are recognized but not performed in New York, Rhode Island, and Maryland. Um hello progressive yet ass backwards West Coast! Wake up and let us marry! Just plain ridiculous. All of it is ridiculous. The fact that "thirty states have constitutional amendments explicitly barring the recognition of same-sex marriage, defining civil marriage as a legal union between a man and a woman" is so completely maddening! I have never, even (or perhaps more so) when I was "straight", been able to wrap my mind around the idea that someone should have control over someone else when it comes to matters that don't truly affect anyone else. Specifically when it comes to pro-choice and gay rights. I heatedly debated and defended both topics in high school. I so vividly remember being incensed by this very holier than thou girl and her teeny tiny closed minded views. Incomprehensible. How can someone stand there and say what I can or can't do when it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with them!?

Sheesh, that's my rant. I guess the bottom line is that it does make a difference to everyone, gay or not. The right to marry fight isn't new, we just have different players this time. The right to interracial marriage is only 43 years old, it was recognized on June 12 (my birthday!), 1967. That is not so very long ago. My parents were married that year. One could reason that they had friends who were interracial couples whom up until that date were legally banned from being married. Yet today that idea is unacceptable. That's what I want, for the idea of the banned gay marriages to be unacceptable, because it is!

Whilst wiki-seaching facts, I came across a quote from Mildred Loving, half of the historic couple who fought for their right to marry. Here it is, gently stolen from the ol' wik...

On June 12, 2007, Mildred Loving issued a rare public statement, which commented on same-sex marriage, prepared for delivery on the fortieth anniversary of the Loving v. Virginia decision of the US Supreme Court. The concluding paragraphs of her statement read as follows:
“ Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about. ”


Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Pictures of Awesome Epicness

The lovely superbly amazing K and myself...


Moments after getting engaged!


Our fantastic living room...


The incredible view from said living room...


Got all crafty last weekend and made her a hat, Jack a cat toy and three beer/ diet coke coozies.


Lovely ladies, err gentlemen from the drag show!










Life is Swell

Superb. Spectacular. Scintillating. I could go on, although maybe not with s's. But for reals, holy crap life is just amazing currently. I suddenly find myself living this near dream life. But I'm awake, this is my life. I am completely overwhelmed by the immense love I have for K and that she has for me. I've never felt anything close to this. I swear just staring at her makes me fall in love again and again all day long. Every little thing about us fits perfectly. When we met it felt so right. I swear it was us picking up where we had left off from the last life. I've never been overly into any form or religion or belief. But it's impossible to ignore the feeling that we've always been together and this is us meeting again. We found each other. And fuck, why not? Maybe that is just how it is. And if meeting my one true love wasn't enough, we just signed a lease on a ridiculously amazing house. Right back downtown where I belong, up the hill with an amazing view. Perfect. Well perfect would be oh I don't know, free! But it's pretty damn fantastic and I wish we could live here a long time. But as it is I know we get at least a year.

So while all this perfect life shit has been unfurling I've still been trudging along at work. Oh work. This summer by far has been the most stressful work season ever. So frustrating to have everything else in my life amazing and to be stressed to the point of tears at work. Are you kidding me?! It's not even like I'm saving lives! I'm selling damn tourists completely frivolous items for fuck's sake! I shouldn't be stressed to the max over it. Yet I have been. Horribly horribly stressed. So I quit. I've quit in the past. Twice I think, over the past six years. But it's never been mid season, as much as I've wanted to just walk away on the busiest day possible. But this season I just couldn't go any further. It wasn't getting better and I know it would only continue to get worse. So I am working till the end of the month. We completely changed my job and pay for the remainder of the time. I'm no longer in charge of everything, just office shiz. Which is great because I was already in charge of office stuff I just couldn't get it done as I was supposed to be selling at the same time and managing everyone. So really I'm doing the shop a super duper favor by sticking around at all and doing all kinds of admin stuff that should have been done forever ago. It's actually quite interesting, partially cause I'm a nerd and like office stuff. But also because I have been doing the same stuff forever. For-ev-er. It's nice to learn even if it's just simple data entry on bookkeeping software. And it's more skills for my next job. I'm applying for a position at the city museum which I think would just be killer. I'm a nerd and I love art and local history. Perfect! So perfect. Oh and the museum is two blocks straight down hill from my house. I can see it from where I'm currently sitting. So talk about a dream commute. I really really reeeeaaally hope I get it. I know I'd be great and they'd be fools to pass me up. Fools I tell you!

So the other stress I've had this summer was planning my fundraiser event. Why the eff I thought planning such an involved party in the summer when I'm working 50 odd hours a week was a good idea I'll never know! I was so afraid it wasn't going to come together and it came damn close to not. Like the week of the show we suddenly only had two performers and one, my lovely amazing K was nervous cause she had never done it and couldn't decide on her songs. But literally last minute two friends stepped up and we ended up with four performers who each did two songs. Other super amazing friends got a ton of silent auction items donated and helped tremendously. I worked the flogger booth which was a much bigger hit than we all anticipated. It warmed my tiny grinch heart to see so many people that I didn't know and who didn't look like the type to care about a gay/ AIDS non profit fundraiser show up and open their wallets. Juneau has a heart and that night I saw it. It was such a great feeling to see the bar full of people, waving dollars, bidding on items, making floggers. I was very proud of everyone involved and the people willing to have a good time and help an amazing cause. I am much more motivated to do another show, but I think I'll stick to winter time when I don't have quite as much on my plate.

So yeah that's my life. It's pretty charmed if I do say so myself. Here are some pics of the house and the show and my beautiful amazing can't-wait-to-not-have-to-say-future future wife. Oh yeah! I finally filed the dissolution papers! By September I can be legally wed to my beautiful fiance, well in six smart states, Alaska stupidly not being one of them. But it will be so nice to not be married anymore. And then married again once and for all!

Okay nix the pix. Stupid free wifi. I mean, yaaay free yet shitty internet!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Life Update



Wellllll the butterflies continue. Life is amazing. Unbelievable. Wonderous. And I'm 29 and two days old. Oh and have been engaged for one day!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Smit

Well I am definitely a smitten kitten. It's awesome and scary and fantastic all rolled up in a beautiful, funny, smart, strawberry blond package. She is just slightly fucking amazing. I have truly never met someone I have so much in common with, it's strange in such a good way. I lose my breath every time I see her. What am I 13? Christ. But fuck it, I'm gonna be all floaty happy while I can. Who knows what the future brings but the present is pretty damn epic.

Which makes me not hate work too horribly, so it's really win win win. Just starting receiving freight. Woot. I am excited for it to just be up and running and to work my ass off. The transition from being a part time sleep through the day bartender to up at the ass crack retail manager is tough. I can do either fine, it's just getting into the right mind set. Plus I loooove to sleep during the day. It's just so much better to be awake at night.
Tomorrow I'm meeting with a professional coach. I'm sure it will be fine but I am not really looking forward to it. I know she will tell me all the stuff I know I should be doing but don't want to. Ugh. I don't want to be more professional. I mean, seriously! I want two full sleeves, a wife and babies and a farm. But currently I guess this is what I am. Shmeesh.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Oh my

This is what is what it feels like I'm full of. I approve! Oh my, oh my.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Weekend of Epicness

It started Thursday as all epic weekends should. Thursday was beautiful outside, Little G Man's first birthday, and my ex dude and his gf and her kids came to town. So it was pretty rad. We went to the park and lil G loved it. It's amazing to hear that super laugh from babies. Like absolutely pure happiness. Awww melts my bitter heart. I hung out with Harm and Jess and helped them get ready for the family baby bday dinner that night. Then Jess and I went out because she randomly had Friday off. And we got to meet the drag queens! And I was told I get to be Grand Duchess of Juneau. Holy fucking awesomeness! I was seriously floating after they told me.
So Friday night I had to work the drag show bartending. I was third on but they needed me pretty much as soon as I got there. We were slammed. Ran out of just about every glass we had. It was fabulous. Plus by trying to keep up with the dishes I was able to have a good view of everything. It was so packed I had to hop over the end of the bar when they called me up on stage to be sworn in. Glad I had a few shots, I was way nervous. And luckily there was a huge spot light in my face so it was like there was no one there. Not a PACKED bar. It was just plain great. I felt so amazing after. And it was towards the end of the show, so I didn't have to work much later. Spent the rest of the night chillin at the then almost empty bar with some new to town fucking rad ladies and then called it a night.
Saturday was crazy. Happy birthday to Ver and my fave sissy, Jen. Woke Ver up to give her her presents cause I had to go help Harm with G's big bday party. Bought a bunch of balloons and set the place up. Then babies started showing up. Lots of babies. Luckily S showed up too and we turned her jeep into an open bar :D Then she and I decided to head downtown to find the queens. Never found them before we had to head to the show. S said she'd be in charge of the sound so she could get in for free. And it was in no way her fault but the sound was horrible. The mic's kept reverbing and the cd's wouldn't play. At one point the queens brought out a boombox and put a mic next to it and then did her routine. It was rad. The stupid sound made the show go later than Friday night. So it wasn't until 2 that we were able to get the queens back to the rondy. Oh but we did. We packed the place and danced and it was so very superb. I wish we could have stayed open later, it was seriously just getting started and we could have made the bar way more money.
I helped do the dishes since they had just got slammed. S apparently went and broke up a fight and came back with blood splatter all over her face. Eww. Fucking drunks.
Didn't really get out of bed till 3 on Sunday which is what I needed after all that. Had the worst service EVER at Donna's. They weren't even busy! Effers. Then I finally got to come home and shower. Oh glorious shower and my bed. Ahh.
And today is the final day of the weekend, thank you Mr. Seward for purchasing your folly! Let's see what it brings to end the epicness.
Oh yes, on a not good note, Friday I come home to get ready to work and Ver tells me they haven't seen Frank in a few days so they called the pound. He still hasn't come home :( Last night I had a dream he was in my room, it was so real. And then I woke up and he's still gone. If some family found him and loves him, by all means, KEEP HIM! He's evil and hates me. But in no way to I wish him harm and I'm a worrier and ugh. I hope he's snuggled up somewhere safe.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sicky McSickstein

That's me. It crept into my awareness Thursday. Obviously I was a lil tired after going out for St. Drink-a-ton, and I may have smoked a few cigarettes while out. So that's what I attributed the slight annoying scratchiness at the back of my throat. Oh it'll go away, it's just my body telling me to keep on not smoking. Right? Riiight. Until I woke up Friday morning. I'M SICK. Noooooo! My head felt like some evil elf snuck in during the night and filled my head with boulders. Asshole elves. Happened to have some Sudafed, gulped that down and went back to sleep. Unfortunately, awoke still sick. Fuck. My amazing roomie who I will love till the end of time and then still, brought me top ramen, 7up, theraflu and tissues home on her lunch break. SO NICE! So armed with all that and some of her throat numb-er spray stuff, I loafed in bed all day and watched Gangs of New York. Which I realized I had previously watched only up until his dad gets killed. Which is like oh 15 minutes into a two disc dvd. So I stayed awake even with my heavy duty cold meds and watched the whole thing. I liked it. Daniel Day Lewis is so good at being bad!
Saturday I woke up even sicker. Awesome. But I had promised Ver I'd watch her get a tattoo on her foot. So I made myself take a shower and get slightly prettied up. Which was a challenge because once I got to the tattoo shop and looked in the mirror I realized I looked like Kate from the Bad Girls Club. On her hungover mornings. My eyes were squished inside of my puffy cheeks. Ugh awesome. Later on I got more medicine, which I think slightly reduced the chipmunker look of my face.
So today is Sunday, day three of my stupid head cold thingy. It is soooo nice and sunny outside! I don't want to take meds today. I figure I'll just blow my nose a lot and say things with a th more often. And I thinks we's going to the beach. Yay!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

More Pics

Here are a few other things I've done in the last few weeks.

Everyone loves nekkid ladies right? Well they should.

Acrylics on canvas board.




Sharpie on shelf backing.


This is my beautiful home.




I been ah cookin'
Lentil Burgers made from leftover Mjeddrah


Sweet Potato chips. Delish but time consuming as fuck.


Sooooy Milk


And shmee...
I kinda gave myself a blondish streak or something.


Pictorial Post

I made soy milk today. Woo effing hoo! I bought a soy milk maker years ago when I was a full on vegan. And used it a bunch. But then moving, not being a vegan, etc, led to it staying in it's box. I'm certainly no vegan but I am tired of extraneous shit in my products. And supporting companies who are owned by companies who are owned by the devil. I'm still not sure of how good soy is for me. It seems you can find a watertight argument on either side. So in the future I do want to experiment with brown rice and almond milk. I was asked why I don't drink regular milk and my immediate answer was, well I'm not a baby cow. The end. The only reason I am even going to the trouble of making "milk" is because I love me some cereal and I want to start baking more. Not because I'm an infant bovine. So here are some pics from the process. Enjoy.

The goods.


Soaked soybeans. Took a damn hour to squeeze them out of their skins, but it makes it taste better.


While the machine was doing it's thing, I had time to have a nice lil snack of leftover moroccan-ish veggies and couscous. YUM.


Tada! Soymilk and Okara, the pulp. It's good in all kinds of stuff. Hopefully I use it.



And a good reason to stay inside and be kitchen crafty.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Veg-tastic Voyage

Last week I bought dried lentils and barley and thought I'd experiment with them. I found an easy seeming recipe for the lentils called Mjeddrah. It was pretty easy and simple. And I had just made my miso dressing so I was excited to try it with it. It was good and hearty and made a lot more than I needed. And since my fabulous roomie is on the meat end of the diet spectrum, she's no help to make it disappear. So the idea of lentil veggie burgers rolled around in my head for a while. Until finally today I looked up recipes. I basically followed this one, plus the video was fun to watch.

How I made them was, I toasted four pieces of cracked wheat bread in the oven. Ground them up in the food processor along with black pepper, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper and some shards of Parmesan cheese. Yes I cheated and didn't make it vegan. But I happened to have the cheese on hand from last nights pasta and figured I'd try it out. Then I added the left over mjeddrah to the food processor and a few squirts of Braggs and mixed it all up. Put a little bit of safflower oil in a pan and got it fairly hot and dropped gobs of the mixture into the pan. I let them cook for a long time and kept kind of pushing them farther down so they would get more browned. They don't get super firm as they are a pureed mixture, but as they were cooling they felt like they were getting firmer. I tried the little one and let the others cool and then froze them. I had a little mixture left over so I made little patties and then halfway through I broke them up and cooked them. So now I have veggie crumbles for salad or wraps.

Yesterday I made pasta for my awesome friend S. It was red kale, butter beans, sun dried tomatoes and a can of Italian tomatoes and probably 6 or 7 cloves of garlic and spices tossed with whole wheat linguine and shards of Parmesan cheese. Basically sauteed everything together, starting with the garlic and kale. I ended up smashing the beans once they had simmered a bit. I think it made a nicer thickness and got rid of the canned bean taste. It was pretty tasty. She liked it and when a different friend came over later she had some and she liked it as well. It's always nice to know that other people like my food. I have such weird tastes and usually lovey roommate looks at me a little weird when I create stuff. So ha! Normal people liked it! Yay!

My miso dressing. My fave sister in Seattle always makes me make her a huge batch of it when I visit. I don't follow a recipe, I made it up so it's all by sight and taste. But these are the ingredients if you want to try it out. In order of amount, btw.
Oil - I use safflower or Enova, whatever you like. A little flax seed oil is great.
Vinegar - Rice, red wine, or apple cider is good. Even balsamic but it'll change the over all taste.
Dijon Mustard - This is magic. One it tastes goood. Two, it acts as an emulsifier.
Maple Syrup
Miso - I've only used white. Usually three tablespoons or so.
Garlic - Usually two-four cloves, I use a garlic press. Best invention ever.
Black pepper
Cayenne pepper

So basically put it all together and whisk till the miso is dissolved. I haven't used my food processor to make this yet but that seems like a pretty handy way to get it all emulsified and the garlic chopped up.

The next culinary ideas I have rolling around are breads, soy milk and Moroccan stuffed peppers. The peppers are for this Sunday dinner. HDot and I have decided to have Sunday dinners with her lil G man. I'm pretty excited to have someone to cook for and to hang out with her more. And her little dude is seriously the cutest kid on earth.
The soy milk I've made before. I own a soy milk maker. I don't know if it still works, it's been shipped back and forth between here and Kansas a few times. But I bought soy beans, and damn they're hard to find!, and if it works I'll be making some. If not, I'll be buying cheesecloth and making some.
Breads. I want to know how to make bread and have it be good. My mother was born in her fathers bakery in France. He baked bread every day up until he died. One of my only memories of him are his big arthritic knuckles covered in flour kneading dough. It's in my genes somewhere, I just have to cultivate it.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Wet cats, Adrenaline, & Heath Food

Starting from right now going backwards. Mother effing Jack has magically become an outdoor cat today. And so far her favorite activity is to go out the little kitty door, stand in the rain until she is soaked and then come downstairs, whine and meow and run up to me (and my computer) and shake dry. It's awesome. Oh and while she's standing outside soaking up EVERY raindrop, she's standing in mud. Little kitty paw prints everywhere. They'd be cute if they didn't go across my bed!

I volunteered to help clean out the bar storage unit with the lovely S today. We both felt like not doing it when we got up however. So we went to breakfast out in le valley and then decided to go to a matinee. Drove back downtown to watch either The Crazies or Legion. Couldn't decide so we flipped a coin. The Crazies won. HOLY HELL! So good. I didn't realize how tense it made me until we left the theatre and I was shaking. I seriously flipped out and couldn't stop looking around and just feeling unsettled. Good job movie maker peeps! So then we decided why not be really lazy and make a full day of hookie and go see Legion. So we did. Decent movie, nice amount of blood right off the bat. A bit slow in parts, but perhaps that's because I felt like my heart hadn't calmed down from the prior movie. After our movie marathon S took me over to H Dot's house to have dindin. H and I decided to have dinner and have it be healthy organic stuff after watching Food Inc the other day.

Talk about a horror film! Having been a vegan I know a fair share about how bad feedlots and mega farms are, but can usually ignore it for the most part. For a while now I've been feeling a pull back to some kind of vegetarianism. This sealed the deal. I remember learning about all the bad shit animals go through. I remember how bad that food is for us. For our planet. I'm not saying people shouldn't eat meat. That is entirely up to the individual. But I know there's a better way. And genetically modified foods? We are fooling ourselves if we really think we can outsmart mother nature. Seriously, we can't bend nature to our will. We are not invincible. As much as we'd love to think we're unstoppable because we're at the top of the food chain, we're not. At the rate we're going, there won't BE a food chain to be on top of. We can only fuck with nature before we fuck ourselves. You know that whole thing about how we only have one Earth? Well it's true. We keep breeding down plant species until there are fewer and fewer varieties left. The strong ones! The big ones! The ones that will feed us forever! Until that day when the one last variety of tomato succumbs to some new mutated, pesticide resistant bug and then we've successfully sent the tomato into extinction. Go us!

One of the best things the movie got across is that we all make a difference. Watching the majority of the movie there is an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. That we can't turn to the government because they're in fucking bed with Monsanto and whatnot. Which is a damn waking nightmare. But what we can do is choose. Every time we shop, choose organic, choose items that specifically say non GMO, grass fed, etc. It will make a difference. "They" will notice. Our money is our ballot and we can make "them" change with each and every cent we don't spend on CAFO downer beef and hormone laced milk. At least I fucking hope so. Hope is all we have.

Friday, February 19, 2010

February, really?

Cause it looks to me like it's late April and those cruise ships should be headed up the channel in no time. But they'll be here soon enough. Time to enjoy the strangely sunny fair weather of Feb without the waddling tourists. I did enjoy the sun and crazy low fog-cloud-thing hanging over the channel today. Every time I went outside to smoke.
I've had so many things to blog about and they roll back and forth in my head. Trying to decide if they're actually blog worthy. Taking into consideration I've blogged about a virtual panda I've adopted, not much should get turned down. I just keep putting it off until whatever blog fodder seems outdated and then I don't. Like how it would make no sense to blog about going to Las Vegas for the Shot Show. Meh that was like years, ok 3-4 weeks, ago.

Trip in a nutshell: I twisted my ankle two days before I left. Fog delayed leaving town by half a day. Got to eat at 13 Coins, LOVE it. Walked about a zillion miles across the Sands convention center looking at knives and guns and grip and grinning with vendors. Filled my bag with knife swag. Played slots. Drank. Went to huge porn shop. Played more slots. Drank even more. Ate sushi with mango. Did I mention drank? Started smoking again, damn casinos. Rained the entire time, never got wet, gotta love parking garages. Realized I have a fear of parking garages. Shoved my carry on full, had to leave free knives. Flew to Seattle for the night. Hit another convention. Went out to drink, err I mean, eat. Went to two gay bars. Danced my ass off despite my twisted ankle. Came home. The end.

Maybe I should always blog like that. Much more efficient. Or something. Ooh crappy, that's it, much more crappy :) Let's see what else? We hosted a tattoo and piercing competition at the bar. That was cool. It was great to see so many different amazing tattoos. And most of them were on old ass gnarly bikers which made it even sweeter. It was a good turn out. The bar was supposed to be done being renovated for the party, but it is the bar. So liiiike half of it was done. But it's a start and it's really looking good. Way less piss smell.

Then there was the Super Bowl. My job was to cocktail but I mostly wandered around pulling off a 24oz heiny trying to get people to drink or buy shots and giving away raffle prizes. So at the end of it I had had a bagazillion drinks and not much food. That equated to me going to a friends boat, I do remember looking down the boat stairs...and falling down them. Nice cut on my hand, awesome sobbing on my part, friend luckily sober enough to drive me across the street and up the hill. Woke up to a nice throbbing hand and huge bruises. It wasn't a good day needless to say.

Which leads to Saturday, the next time I went out. I obviously needed a break after that super Sunday and had a week to dry out until Sevanni's bday. So I got all hotted up, gotta say I think my make up was extra smoky eyed and fierce. Added a sweet blonde streaky thing to my hair. It was good, it was all good. Went out and just got stupid. It was dumb. Not as bad as super bowl but still just plain lame. Which leads up to the real meat of this blog post. I quit drinking.

Forever? Doubtful, but who knows? What I do know is that this winter has been mostly shitty. A lot of it has been beyond my control but a good amount of it has been made worse by me. And drinking, ever the depressant it is, isn't helping. And I have the awe inspiring talent of being able to drink considerable amounts of booze and still "function". I'm sure it'd be more of a talent if say I was in college and not pushing 30. But as it is, it's not really doing me any favors by being able to down a dozen shots and not care to stop.

In some ways it would be easier if I just couldn't function without a daily drink, if I was a classic alcoholic. At least easier for people to say, dude you need help. I don't know what the future holds and whether or not booze will be a part of it. It definitely freaks me the fuck out to think of never, ever drinking again. But maybe. My goal for now is to just dry out till spring. See where my head is at then and maybe try it out again. But more short term I've been holed up in my apartment working out and watching the Olympics all day. It's kind of all I can do right now. And it's helping. One, I now understand the fine art of curling and kind of want to try it. Two, I've been kicking my ass daily on my elliptical machine and it feels good. It feels effing fantastic. Even when I go outside to enjoy the sunshine and smoke afterwards. Baby steps yo, baby steps.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Quitter

I got a new tattoo! Yay! Finally for eff's sake, it's been almost a year! For xmas my incredibly awesome artist gave me a free hour of work. So now I have a half done huuuge fleur de lis on my back. Which I love and can't wait to get filled in. Of course I freaked myself out before hand. I always get nervous before a tattoo. What if it suddenly hurts way more than any other tattoo I've gotten? What if the horrible cough I've had rears its ugly head and makes for a shitty outline? What if I hate it? Well luckily none of the above happened. Yes it hurt! It's tiny needles being jabbed repeatedly into my skin, kittens weren't licking it on. But I managed. It was only an hour, I could have sat for longer but I had to go to work. Yes I scheduled my tattoo right before I had to work. At a new bar. Smart. But it was only the Bergmann so I wasn't expecting it to be busy and I've been there plenty of times and made a drink or two there. This would just be my first time behind the bar during bar hours!
It was fine. Completely dead for the first three hours. Luckily two of my friends came in and helped clean my tattoo for me. Nothing says true friends like "sure I'll touch your open wound"! Then there was a little party for the last night of Christmas. Which didn't make it too busy, just fun, and I got food. I'm down with that. And I only had to stretch and reach the top shelf once which was a big plus.
I quit smoking this year. So far so damn good. I've been using the patch which I know will still lead to me wanting to smoke once I finish using them, but they're working for now. Yesterday I tried no patch since I'm running down and I was just staying at home anyway. That plus my awesome pms-y mood probably wasn't the best idea. At least only a small amount of the public had to deal with me. Sorry Ver! Loves you! So I have the patch back on today since I am second on at the bar and will be around smoking friends.
And I've kind of stopped drinking, at least for a bit. Originally I decided that I'm gonna not drink until I go to Las Vegas on the 19th. But after my tattoo I decided since I didn't get my traditional smoke, I at least deserved a shot! So one shot so far is pretty darn good in my book. We'll see how tonight goes. I know if I drink and then drink enough I'm going to convince myself that one shared cigarette won't be bad. And one wouldn't be. But then my drunk mind would tell me that one more wouldn't either. And then all the damn money I spent on patches would be for not. So I know it's in my best, albeit boring, interest for me to not drink right now. Ugh, why I gotta be all smart and shit?
But I know this is what I have to do. As much as I L.O.V.E. smoking, I know it's bad for me. There is not ONE good benefit to it. Oh except for the slow, painful, expensive death it ensues. Forgot about that stellar one. I'm over it, I'm better than smoking. The end. Just have to keep telling myself that. And this time I'm serious. I hate being a quitter, especially so many times. This is the last time!
This is me going forward. I'm tired of looking back and living in the past. On so many accounts. It's so easy to gloss over memories and see the best and forget about the worst and the pain. But they're there too! I don't know, I'm sure this ramble is pretty similar to the last one, but it's what's on my mind currently. If I don't change I never will. It's not just gonna POOF and happen without me making it. So I'm making it :D
I will leave you with a crappy pic of my new tattoo. It (and my back) are prettier in person, I swear!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Fantastic Year End AKA Ver is the Shiz

For an occasionally fantastic year. Yes it had its ups and they were sky high and it had its downs and gawddamn were they way the fuck down. Overall it was what it was and I survived. And last night was such a good end to the year.
Went out to dinner with J and K and J's bro M. It was fun, they're all hilarious. My food was gross and not cooked, so that sucked. But I don't see New Year's Eve as a night for fine dining. Or where we went :) Then I went home and helped Ver get all slutted up. Well I was the Jersey Shore whore looking one, she looked like a hot ass pin up suicide girl.
This is where I have to go on and on about how amazing Ver is. I knew this already but last night totally proved it. She quit drinking for the new year, starting yesterday. So she was planning on just going out for an hour or two and showing off her hotness. But she ended up staying out all night and hanging out with me. I didn't drink a lot, got a little buzzed. I was too sober to want to be out with the drunks. Which means she is a saint for being out completely sober on amateur night! She even danced with me. Which was hilarious to be sober enough to laugh at everyone, I can only imagine it was that much better for her. Basically it was pure awesomeness all night long. Even when I wanted to smash my pint glass into the lurkers face who kept leering / glaring over Ver's shoulder. *I might have a temper, shhh :)
This winter has been really difficult and Ver has been there helping me along the whole way. I think winter would have eaten me up by now if I didn't have her here to keep me semi sane. I know I've done my share of BFF duties in helping her. But I really feel like I've been the one leaning on her. And I am so thankful to have her in my life! I'm excited for all the new year is going to bring. Yes the lows will be the lowest lows to ever exist and the highs will be out of the solar system. Come what may, I'm gonna survive again and she's gonna help me. Thanks V. Loves you :)