Friday, January 8, 2010

Quitter

I got a new tattoo! Yay! Finally for eff's sake, it's been almost a year! For xmas my incredibly awesome artist gave me a free hour of work. So now I have a half done huuuge fleur de lis on my back. Which I love and can't wait to get filled in. Of course I freaked myself out before hand. I always get nervous before a tattoo. What if it suddenly hurts way more than any other tattoo I've gotten? What if the horrible cough I've had rears its ugly head and makes for a shitty outline? What if I hate it? Well luckily none of the above happened. Yes it hurt! It's tiny needles being jabbed repeatedly into my skin, kittens weren't licking it on. But I managed. It was only an hour, I could have sat for longer but I had to go to work. Yes I scheduled my tattoo right before I had to work. At a new bar. Smart. But it was only the Bergmann so I wasn't expecting it to be busy and I've been there plenty of times and made a drink or two there. This would just be my first time behind the bar during bar hours!
It was fine. Completely dead for the first three hours. Luckily two of my friends came in and helped clean my tattoo for me. Nothing says true friends like "sure I'll touch your open wound"! Then there was a little party for the last night of Christmas. Which didn't make it too busy, just fun, and I got food. I'm down with that. And I only had to stretch and reach the top shelf once which was a big plus.
I quit smoking this year. So far so damn good. I've been using the patch which I know will still lead to me wanting to smoke once I finish using them, but they're working for now. Yesterday I tried no patch since I'm running down and I was just staying at home anyway. That plus my awesome pms-y mood probably wasn't the best idea. At least only a small amount of the public had to deal with me. Sorry Ver! Loves you! So I have the patch back on today since I am second on at the bar and will be around smoking friends.
And I've kind of stopped drinking, at least for a bit. Originally I decided that I'm gonna not drink until I go to Las Vegas on the 19th. But after my tattoo I decided since I didn't get my traditional smoke, I at least deserved a shot! So one shot so far is pretty darn good in my book. We'll see how tonight goes. I know if I drink and then drink enough I'm going to convince myself that one shared cigarette won't be bad. And one wouldn't be. But then my drunk mind would tell me that one more wouldn't either. And then all the damn money I spent on patches would be for not. So I know it's in my best, albeit boring, interest for me to not drink right now. Ugh, why I gotta be all smart and shit?
But I know this is what I have to do. As much as I L.O.V.E. smoking, I know it's bad for me. There is not ONE good benefit to it. Oh except for the slow, painful, expensive death it ensues. Forgot about that stellar one. I'm over it, I'm better than smoking. The end. Just have to keep telling myself that. And this time I'm serious. I hate being a quitter, especially so many times. This is the last time!
This is me going forward. I'm tired of looking back and living in the past. On so many accounts. It's so easy to gloss over memories and see the best and forget about the worst and the pain. But they're there too! I don't know, I'm sure this ramble is pretty similar to the last one, but it's what's on my mind currently. If I don't change I never will. It's not just gonna POOF and happen without me making it. So I'm making it :D
I will leave you with a crappy pic of my new tattoo. It (and my back) are prettier in person, I swear!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Fantastic Year End AKA Ver is the Shiz

For an occasionally fantastic year. Yes it had its ups and they were sky high and it had its downs and gawddamn were they way the fuck down. Overall it was what it was and I survived. And last night was such a good end to the year.
Went out to dinner with J and K and J's bro M. It was fun, they're all hilarious. My food was gross and not cooked, so that sucked. But I don't see New Year's Eve as a night for fine dining. Or where we went :) Then I went home and helped Ver get all slutted up. Well I was the Jersey Shore whore looking one, she looked like a hot ass pin up suicide girl.
This is where I have to go on and on about how amazing Ver is. I knew this already but last night totally proved it. She quit drinking for the new year, starting yesterday. So she was planning on just going out for an hour or two and showing off her hotness. But she ended up staying out all night and hanging out with me. I didn't drink a lot, got a little buzzed. I was too sober to want to be out with the drunks. Which means she is a saint for being out completely sober on amateur night! She even danced with me. Which was hilarious to be sober enough to laugh at everyone, I can only imagine it was that much better for her. Basically it was pure awesomeness all night long. Even when I wanted to smash my pint glass into the lurkers face who kept leering / glaring over Ver's shoulder. *I might have a temper, shhh :)
This winter has been really difficult and Ver has been there helping me along the whole way. I think winter would have eaten me up by now if I didn't have her here to keep me semi sane. I know I've done my share of BFF duties in helping her. But I really feel like I've been the one leaning on her. And I am so thankful to have her in my life! I'm excited for all the new year is going to bring. Yes the lows will be the lowest lows to ever exist and the highs will be out of the solar system. Come what may, I'm gonna survive again and she's gonna help me. Thanks V. Loves you :)