Quitter

I got a new tattoo! Yay! Finally for eff's sake, it's been almost a year! For xmas my incredibly awesome artist gave me a free hour of work. So now I have a half done huuuge fleur de lis on my back. Which I love and can't wait to get filled in. Of course I freaked myself out before hand. I always get nervous before a tattoo. What if it suddenly hurts way more than any other tattoo I've gotten? What if the horrible cough I've had rears its ugly head and makes for a shitty outline? What if I hate it? Well luckily none of the above happened. Yes it hurt! It's tiny needles being jabbed repeatedly into my skin, kittens weren't licking it on. But I managed. It was only an hour, I could have sat for longer but I had to go to work. Yes I scheduled my tattoo right before I had to work. At a new bar. Smart. But it was only the Bergmann so I wasn't expecting it to be busy and I've been there plenty of times and made a drink or two there. This would just be my first time behind the bar during bar hours!
It was fine. Completely dead for the first three hours. Luckily two of my friends came in and helped clean my tattoo for me. Nothing says true friends like "sure I'll touch your open wound"! Then there was a little party for the last night of Christmas. Which didn't make it too busy, just fun, and I got food. I'm down with that. And I only had to stretch and reach the top shelf once which was a big plus.
I quit smoking this year. So far so damn good. I've been using the patch which I know will still lead to me wanting to smoke once I finish using them, but they're working for now. Yesterday I tried no patch since I'm running down and I was just staying at home anyway. That plus my awesome pms-y mood probably wasn't the best idea. At least only a small amount of the public had to deal with me. Sorry Ver! Loves you! So I have the patch back on today since I am second on at the bar and will be around smoking friends.
And I've kind of stopped drinking, at least for a bit. Originally I decided that I'm gonna not drink until I go to Las Vegas on the 19th. But after my tattoo I decided since I didn't get my traditional smoke, I at least deserved a shot! So one shot so far is pretty darn good in my book. We'll see how tonight goes. I know if I drink and then drink enough I'm going to convince myself that one shared cigarette won't be bad. And one wouldn't be. But then my drunk mind would tell me that one more wouldn't either. And then all the damn money I spent on patches would be for not. So I know it's in my best, albeit boring, interest for me to not drink right now. Ugh, why I gotta be all smart and shit?
But I know this is what I have to do. As much as I L.O.V.E. smoking, I know it's bad for me. There is not ONE good benefit to it. Oh except for the slow, painful, expensive death it ensues. Forgot about that stellar one. I'm over it, I'm better than smoking. The end. Just have to keep telling myself that. And this time I'm serious. I hate being a quitter, especially so many times. This is the last time!
This is me going forward. I'm tired of looking back and living in the past. On so many accounts. It's so easy to gloss over memories and see the best and forget about the worst and the pain. But they're there too! I don't know, I'm sure this ramble is pretty similar to the last one, but it's what's on my mind currently. If I don't change I never will. It's not just gonna POOF and happen without me making it. So I'm making it :D
I will leave you with a crappy pic of my new tattoo. It (and my back) are prettier in person, I swear!