Sitka Take Deux

So Sitka came so close to not happening! Eek! Once again it seemed like a great idea to get hamboned the night before. Yup, talk about not learning from mistakes. Drink all night, lose V along the way, cut to phone ringing at 7:34AM. Ver telling me it's time to get up, NOW! So like I mentioned in the last Sitka post, the ferry terminal is not just down the road from my house. Noooo, not even close. And my ferry was supposed to leave at 8AM.
We haul ass to the terminal, get there at like 7:58AM. Run to the ticket counter and they tell me the ramp is already up. But that I can go tomorrow. I don't need to go tomorrow!!! So I quickly leave, almost make it to the door before a huge sob sneaks out, and tell Ver to drive so I can cry without them seeing. Check my bank balance and head to the airport. There is no way I wasn't getting out of this damn town. Luckily I have enough money and can get on the 11AM flight.
So we go get some brekkie at Donna's. Mighta been the hangover, but that was the best Chicken Fried Steak I've ever had. Ever. Which is good cause it turns out to be all I eat that day.
Got to Sitka safe and sound. I was really glad it wasn't bumpy cause I am a massive baby when it comes to flying (or anything really), and Sitka has one of those creepy built on the water runways. Like oops too far, look at the fishies swim by the window! Z picked me up and dropped me off at B's boat. So I got to chill in her bunk while she finished up work. I wrote teeny tiny notes and hid them all over. I'm so lame, I know. Then slept my hangover away for the next several hours. And then was woken up by the hottest lady on earth, in a towel with dripping wet hair. Yes please!
Walked to the hotel in the pissing rain, my left over liquid eyeliner returning to its natural state of liquid and covering my face. Awesome.
Showered and went out. Had a blast. Got to learn so much about her and just talk, it was really, really good! Really, really, really good :)
The next morning we tried to find coffee but to no avail. Had to walk back to her boat empty handed. I then got all sad thinking about how long I will be away from her when her boat heads back to Seattle. That wasn't fun. Luckily Z invited me to brunch with him and his lady at the Larkspur. Very tasty hippy food and I got a sweet tshirt. We walked around town a bit since it was much nicer than the prior day and then they drove me to the ferry terminal. Which I did not miss!

Suerte

I have a thing for good luck symbols. Horseshoes, pennies, etc. I don't know if I necessarily believe in them, or just believe in me believing in them, if that makes any sense. Like how I can't not wish on the first star I see at night. And good luck getting me to pick up a penny that's tails up or toast water. Sometimes I'm not too superstitious, sometimes I'm just a little stitious :) I think luck and fate are entwined. Good luck, bad luck, it's all how it's supposed to be. Doesn't mean we don't have some control over our life, but I do think every right and wrong choice we make takes us to exactly where we're supposed to be. I've always thought this, but still not fully believed in it. Of course it's much easier for me to believe when times are good. And oh how times are good. Is it luck, fate, or just chance that all of my wrong decisions ultimately turned out to be the right ones to lead me to this amazingly happy time in my life? Things are going so well it kind of freaks me out. I've been so marginally living my life for so long, I just don't believe that this can be real. And my lack of self esteem doesn't help either. My mind can't wrap itself around the idea that I am worth moving across the country for. It's to the point that for a split second I think I should push her away, save her from me. That ultimately I will make the wrong decisions all over again and crush such a caring soul. But I also think that all of those bad choices have been lessons that I'm finally learning. This isn't like anything I've experienced before because I haven't experienced it yet! I should take the past into account, but not stop myself from living because of it. So for now Mr. Mraz said it perfectly...

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

Addictivity

So I might get addicted to things easily. Or things that are very addictive I like a lot. Hmm. Used to be sitting in a bar drinking, doing bad things. Always ready for the next night, the next unhealthy adventure. Luckily I'm not so addicted to that anymore. Still nice and addicted to smoking. It's just so darn tasty is all. And now I'm getting addicted to working out. Yes! Finally a good one! Still don't yearn for it quite the same as drinking and smoking, but it'll get there. I do however have a new bad addiction. Etsy. Oh how I can't live without thee! Ob-sessed! And worse off is that I happen to have cash in my bank account that is just sitting there. Not rent money, not bill money. Just...etsy money..eek. And I happen to be buying things under the guise of presents for upcoming birthdays. Yeah, like two of the things, maybe.
But in the long run spending hours perusing the site just makes me want to make things. Lots of things! I want to work with metal, yarn, paints, found materials. It makes me want to CREATE! And I just don't have the effing space for it and it's driving me crazy. I've been slightly obsessing (see a pattern?) over character stamps and initial jewelry. Looking at hardware sites, fine jewelry sites, wanting to buy all the materials and tools needed. And I could. But where oh where would I create with such tools and materials? Certainly not at my house. I can't leave cellophane from a cigarette pack on the floor or my cat attacks it. I have one door that closes. And behind that door is the cat stuff, so I can't exactly lock them out of there. Oh and it's the bathroom, I don't see that as a great jewelry making site. My apartment really isn't so bad. I just need some huge wardrobe with latching doors. I could have my paintings dry in there, trays with little shiny fixings just waiting to be combined. Sigh. Or I can just wait out the summer and see where the fall takes me. Either I'm moving :) or I'm investing in some kind of storage space so I can get back to being creative. Don't even get me started on knitting. Luckily the scarf that is now off the needle was one I didn't really like and I'm sure I can sand down the double pointed bamboo needle with the tiny kitty teeth marks in it.

Sunday Morning Reverie

Pure mush. You've been warned...

How I love and hate Sunday mornings. I am a huge fan of the wee hours of the morning. Especially waking up and realizing I am in my love's arms. The drifting in and out of sleep. Having the sweetest dream and being awake for it. Tangled in sheets and legs and smiles. I'd trade the sun and live in the darkness if I could always have that feeling. But then time tick tocks its way into the ephemeral perfection and it's time to tear away. How my heart aches just thinking about getting up and eventually having to say goodbye yet again. Just one more moment, no need to get up just yet, plenty of time still love. Time however has a way of moving on, faster and faster just when you want it to slow...to....a.....crawl. Then the search for far flung belongings. Slow meandering walk for coffee. Even slower much more resistant walk to the dock. Then silent pleads to freeze the moment that fall on the deaf ears of time and space. A million final goodbyes, just one more. Just one. And then there is just one left. With the sweetest kisses still lingering on my lips my feet guide me back home. Meanwhile my heart is stowing away, safe and sound snuggled with my love's own. Leaving in its place a sweet reverie, each moment replaying over and over. Committing to memory every sigh, glance, kiss, touch. The feeling of warm ticklish skin moving under fingertips and lips. Constellations of freckles dappling skin like stars at twilight. The weightlessness of being at home in each others arms. This is how I make it through the next two weeks.