Suerte

I have a thing for good luck symbols. Horseshoes, pennies, etc. I don't know if I necessarily believe in them, or just believe in me believing in them, if that makes any sense. Like how I can't not wish on the first star I see at night. And good luck getting me to pick up a penny that's tails up or toast water. Sometimes I'm not too superstitious, sometimes I'm just a little stitious :) I think luck and fate are entwined. Good luck, bad luck, it's all how it's supposed to be. Doesn't mean we don't have some control over our life, but I do think every right and wrong choice we make takes us to exactly where we're supposed to be. I've always thought this, but still not fully believed in it. Of course it's much easier for me to believe when times are good. And oh how times are good. Is it luck, fate, or just chance that all of my wrong decisions ultimately turned out to be the right ones to lead me to this amazingly happy time in my life? Things are going so well it kind of freaks me out. I've been so marginally living my life for so long, I just don't believe that this can be real. And my lack of self esteem doesn't help either. My mind can't wrap itself around the idea that I am worth moving across the country for. It's to the point that for a split second I think I should push her away, save her from me. That ultimately I will make the wrong decisions all over again and crush such a caring soul. But I also think that all of those bad choices have been lessons that I'm finally learning. This isn't like anything I've experienced before because I haven't experienced it yet! I should take the past into account, but not stop myself from living because of it. So for now Mr. Mraz said it perfectly...

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will