TtV - Through the Viewfinder Photography

So I just recently learned about TtV photography. Basically you take an old camera, the kind you look down into the viewfinder, focus your digital camera on the image in the viewfinder and take a picture. It is tricky to focus on the image and not the glass of the viewfinder. But it makes the photos look old and slightly warped or out of focus at the edges. My camera doesn't focus on the image easily, it gets stuck on the scratches on the glass, but Sarah's much more expensive camera does a better job. So I just wanted to post a few of my first good attempts. I won't bore anyone with the tons of massively blurry shots.

We got her!

Sarah was able to get off of work early yesterday and we went out to the pound so she could meet the cat. Well I don't know what the pound people were talking about her being "picky" or "aggressive" with people because everyone who went in that room loved the cat and she loved them. Since there was no problem with her liking Sarah, we filled out all the paperwork and took her home. She spent some time under the bed sniffing everything thing, but she got comfortable pretty quickly. She is super playful and loves to "hunt" things. She almost always has a paw out, like she's batting at something that isn't there. Maybe we have ghosts. She is adorable. One of her ears is shorter than the other like it got cut off, maybe from a fight, maybe frostbite. I'd like to think she was a little street hustler ruffian cat before the fuzz picked her up and impounded her. But she's also ready for any black tie affair with her little furry tux. Quite the versatile cat. She really likes to hang out under the bed, but once she's out she won't leave your side. So Sasha is officially now Jack Sprat the Cat, or just Jack. And officially ours!

Hodge Podgery

Let's see. The event on Saturday turned out to be lame-ola. One of my bosses was there, so it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be. But it wasn't anywhere near as busy as we expected it to be either. So I spent a whole day inside instead of enjoying the sun with my babe.

I couldn't go camping with everyone for memorial day, but I did go out to the bonfire for a few hours. It was so nice to get out of downtown and be near the water. Sarah took some great pictures that I need to upload to flicker when I get time.

We just found out that we have our choice of two one bedrooms that just came open in our building. Sweet! They aren't that great, but they are bigger than our 3" apartment as I like to call it. So once we decide on which one, we will be moving in. Hopefully we still get free wifi.

Today I went to the beach with Harmonie and her doggy, it was beautiful! So sunny and nice. We walked around for more than an hour, some on the beach, some in the woods going past all the mining ruins. I should have brought my camera. I love, love, love the old falling down buildings with the trees and moss reclaiming them. So amazing. But I didn't, so you'll just have to imagine. Walking around, especially in the sand, gave me some great blisters from my new flip flops. Stupid expensive flip flops. And now I have to go work in an hour or so. Lame-o.

After the walk, we drove out to the pound to look at the cats and dogs. Sarah and I really, really want to get a dog. But our pound usually only has lab mutts or very large barky dogs. So I looked at the cats and one came up to the window and wanted to play. So they took her out so I could meet her and pretty much fell in love with her. She's so cute, one of her ears is smaller than the other and she's mostly black with some white and green eyes. She looks like she should be a boy cat so I want to rename her Jack the Cat. I filled out an adoption thingy and it should go through in a day or two. There is no reason for them not to let me get her, but I'm still worried a little. I will definitely be posting pictures of her when I get her.

In movie news, we went and saw Indiana Jones this weekend like everyone else in America. It was good, kinda cheesy, but that's how they all are. And Shia LeBeouf rocks! I really want him to make more Indiana movies. Aaaand we finally saw Juno. Yes it's official, the last two people on earth have seen it. I loved it! Right from the get go, the lines are so damn funny! Ellen Page is hilarious with her deadpan delivery. 

Arrg, it's getting to be time to go to work. I really loathe my job sometimes. Especially when it's almost 70 outside and no one cool will be in the bar. Just asshole drunks who don't care if it's sunny outside. They just need another MGD and 10 on Bananas.

Money, money, money, mo-NEE

So apparently throwing an amazing two day party for your boss is a good way to get a raise. Woo hoo! I went up a dollar! I'm still making what other bars consider entry level, but fuck it, I like who I work for and mostly like working there. Okay lately I hate it. But that might be hormones on top of asshole customers. I forgot I was filling in a shift tonight, and I am doing off site events my other two days off this week, so I don't get a day off till Tuesday. Which is fine, mo' money for me. But it's not so good that the only time I see Sarah is when she wakes me up to say good bye, maybe an hour at lunch, and then when she's asleep when I come home. Lame. But it's not forever, we'll figure out our shifts. Usually I only work two nights a week and mostly days, this week is just full up.
Speaking of the off site events, I am really nervous about the one on Saturday. The one on Tuesday I got all the liquor and supplies ready with the help of my boss, learned how to do everything. Because on Saturday I'm running the show. No bosses. Scaary. I got this job so I wouldn't have as much responsibility. I guess it followed me. But I like it and I know I'll be fine and feel all accomplished afterwards. It's just the before that's scary.
I have to go get gussied up, I have a lunch date with my baby!

But you're so pretty

So I promised to talk about the customer who said he was dying, something to do with his liver. I don't know if I believe him. I think maybe he's just crazy. He came to town about a month ago, I served him, he had a good time, now he thinks we're friends. Yes, I'm your friend because you pay me to make drinks and listen to you. Right. I thought he was incredibly annoying from the get go, but again I get paid to listen and be fairly friendly. He comes in once in a while, jawing away in his W. Virginian accent about how nice this bar is and how great Juneau is and how hard it is to find a place to live. Yup, I actually already knew all that.
Well he came in a few days ago and he was the only customer, so he had me trapped. I don't know what we were talking about, but he said something about seeing me kiss a girl. And I said, "yeah you most likely did." He says, "oh it's cool." Over and over. And I say, "yeah I know." I'm very dry with him. Later on Sarah came to the bar, and he says "oh that's your...significant...other?" Me: Yup.
So this is were it gets funny and annoying. The next day similiar situation, he's talking my ear off and this is as close as I can get to exactly what he said: "So you're a pretty girl....and you have your...significant (trails off) and, well, I just don't understand?" "I mean, can I ask why? But you're so pretty." He was inferring that I was pretty enough to get a guy so why was I with a girl? Oh. my. god. I never knew I could be with guys! I thought I wasn't pretty enough, thank you creepy stranger man for setting me straight! And he kept asking me why and I told him to stop. He is just insane and wouldn't listen to me anyway. And he kept saying I could have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend. Super creep. I told him it didn't work that way.
So no offense to West Virginia, but damn. It's people like him that give it a bad name. What a moron. But it makes me chuckle. "...but you're so pretty?" All confused looking.

What's it all mean?

I had a dream with my dad in it last night. I don't have those very often anymore. I think I dreamed about him because of a patron I met at the bar, he said he is dying and it's his liver. That's how my dad's cancer started. More about the patron in another post.

What I rememeber from the dream was that most of my family was in a room and my dad was in a chair wrapped in blankets. Here's where it gets dreamy and weird. My dad was very small, like the size of toddler, but all skinny from the chemo. He had really dark skin, my dad was Italian, so he did have dark skin, but this was like he was Indian or Middle Eastern. Then a man who looked like my dad before he got sick is standing in the room at the same time, telling me and everyone that my sick dad is dying. He is falling asleep and won't wake up. So my healthy dad shakes him awake. I go up to my sick dad and hug him and tell him several times that I love him and kiss him. My hand cradled his head, it was so tiny. But in the dream, I could feel his skin, it felt the same, the oily mediterranean skin he had in real life. He was whispering for me to "just leave" he didn't want me to see him like this. I knew he was going to die soon, so I got up and told my younger sister and my older niece that they needed to say goodbye, that he would be gone soon. I woke up soon after that.

I woke up very sad and alone feeling, even with Sarah next to me. The dream I had is pretty much not how my dad died. Because of a horrible government system and distance, my dad died pretty much alone. He and my mom were on McChord or the other base right near there, the x and I were waiting at my sis Jen's house with her family in Anchorage for them to get medivac'd up there. Apparently the plane for such transfers only goes out once a week. They (the fucking asshole "money saving" government) cancelled the flight two times in a row because there weren't enough people to justify the flight. So after these two weeks of waiting, my dad is getting so much worse, they were almost afraid he couldn't fly but they make a flight available for the next Wednesday. That was after they cancelled the second flight on Friday. He died the next day, Saturday, in Washington, alone. My mom had left the room for a moment, and when she came back he was gone. I know that fact weighs so heavy on her, that she was the only one there and she wasn't next to him.

We had him cremated, but never had a funeral or put up a tombstone anywhere. I know I have lots of unresolved issues surrounding his death because of such.
So the dreams I have of him are always bittersweet. To feel like I'm near him again and talking to him, or in this one, able to say goodbye to him. Have him die with his loved ones all around him, like it should have been.

I really didn't mean to write such a sad post, I just wanted to get the dream down. I promise the next post will be funny. Or at least not so Debbie Downer.

Will it last? Only if you vote.

I am excited about California making it's way towards gay marriage. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited. But I'm pessimistic. Will it last? Will there be hundreds of happy, loving couples with void marriages in a few months because it gets revoked? Because some stranger decided to override a choice two adults in love made? Basically you have until it goes to a vote in November to get married legally, then it could be rescinded. I am all for voting, but supporters of gay marriage are still in the minority. There are a lot of close mined people who think they know what's best for strangers and will vote that way. So open minded Californians, VOTE!
But even with my pessimism there's hope. This could be the time it takes root, and other states will finally realize that same sex marriages won't disrupt the "sanctity"(yeah right) of hetero marriages. And then maybe the whole country will figure it out. Maybe. Makes me want to take out Sarah's copy of "Brides of March" and re-read it.

Speaking of stupid people with stupid, close minded opinions, we had dinner at my boss' house. No, she's not the stupid one, she rocks. I love working for her. She had Sarah and me over for dinner because we did so much for her birthday party. While she was making dinner we were talking about the news in CA, and gay rights in general. She's awesome and doesn't see what it matters who gets married to who. Exactly! But after dinner we were watching TV (we don't have cable, so any chance we get we gobble it up) and there was a doc on VH1 about the sex revolution. Very interesting. One part was about when AIDS first surfaced and how it took the government such a long time to even acknowledge it. There was a clip from a Phil Donahue show and he was talking to a woman in the crowd. This woman said basically that since gays were sinning, God was punishing them by giving them AIDS. Holy fucking shit, I wanted to break something. Just the look on her face, how she completely believed what she was saying! Phil had a look on his face like he wanted to hit her. I wish he had. But that doesn't solve anything. I wish it did sometimes.

My friends and I joke about my "warning signs" about becoming a lesbian. One of which would definitely be my gay advocacy. In high school, I was dating the X the whole time. Totally hetero. I might have had a HUGE crush on a girl, but never acted on it. I was always arguing (I mean debating) with the christian coalition assholes. Usually in English class because that was where the most controversial discussions took place. I always fought for gay rights. It was the one issue that, at the time had nothing to do with me, I cared the most about. I couldn't understand people who didn't accept gay lifestyles. I still don't understand.

Back to California, one of the articles I read had a quote that marriages should be left to people who procreate. Really?? Cause if that's the case, I think there are at least a few hetero couples who need to have their marriage license revoked. And quite a few gay couples with kids or TTC who deserve a real legal marriage. I just don't see how the close mined can believe what they say. It's just preposterous. Poppycock in fact.

Baby I can plan your party

So this weekend was a huge success as far as parties go. I am exhausted, but very proud. After my crap shift and no sleep on Friday, I had to get up and get all the party supplies. But the person I was going to do all this with bailed on me. Thanks. Then a friend who just moved in upstairs needed help installing blinds. Me being the procrastinating co-dependant obviously agreed to help. While helping, I got a call from the friend who was too tired to go shopping. She had to take her brothers cat to the vet because it was possibly dying. And she needed me to go with her. I love procrastinating and there is no way I would have let her go by herself, so I go.

We spend forever at the vet, turns out the cat might have had a stroke (she's 17!), but should be fine. My friend drops the cat off at home and we get tons of green supplies for the party. We went to this balloon novelty / adult shop and got 30 balloons. It took the lady forever to blow them up, so we looked through a catalog of stripper shoes. Awesome! It was so funny to see the weird ass shoes. And tons of them came in sizes up to 17, so they were also for cross dressers or drag queens. Which is way cooler than strippers any day.

So we get the supplies, head downtown and try to decorate before my boss, the birthday girl gets there. She knew something was going on, but didn't know the extent of it. If blogger wasn't sucking balls, I could show you how awesome the decorations were and how happy she was. I got her favorite candies, Hot Tamales and Cherry Cordial Kisses and played her favorite movies, Labyrinth and Lost Boys. She was very impressed. Maybe I'll get a raise. I thought I had to be second on that night because we have no bartenders, seriously. But someone volunteered, so I only had to work for an hour or so behind the bar. Which was good because I had to bartend at 8 the next morning. And that's when the fun really began.

The 30 balloons I got were for Sunday. The plan was for everyone to day drink at our bar until I got off shift at 2, then pub crawl around town, head back to our bar for a live band. I told the bday girl I would give her a dollar for every balloon not popped by the end of the night. So it was open season on balloons and 30 is a lot to protect. I think she only popped one herself on accident. But by the end of the night, I didn't owe her any money. It was so fun watching her guard them, especially as she got drunker throughout the day. When we made it back to our bar, everyone was fairly buzzed but doing good. So we played Twister. Lots of ass shots, and not as much falling down as you would expect. Hilarious fun.

Then the band started up and by then I was getting too drunk. I apparently missed the band juggling. Lame. We brought out the cake and Sarah shoved some in the bday girl's face and then it was on. Cake everywhere. I still have cake on my shoes. Again great pics, I'll try and upload them later. Back to the band, dancing, having a great drunk time. I fell, could have been the drinking, could have been our uneven floor. But I rolled both of my ankles and damn it hurt! I'm a crier anyway and it didn't help that I was drunk and Sarah had run across the street so I was alone. And that was the end of the night for me. I felt like a fool for being the drunk girl who fell and for getting a little teary, so I called Sarah and told her it was time to go home. I went to another bar where a bunch of our friends where to wait for her, and of course I get shots from them. But luckily Sarah showed up before I had too many. It was a fun day, shitty end, and even shittier shift the next moring at 8 AM with my hungover ass.

Shift from Hell

I've had some lame shifts, working in a bar it's pretty much guaranteed. But last night took the cake. I wanted to walk out within the first hour. That's bad. I can't really write and explain why it was so bad unless you are familiar with my town and the problem it has with drunks and my bar. Basically we're a small town, not much to do, high amount of Natives (NOT that I am saying all Natives are alcoholics, just a lot that come into my bar or hang out down town are), and about 7 bars and two liquor stores within a block. So I think we have a slightly concentrated amount of "professional drunks". Oh and we have the local soup kitchen just a block or so away, so we get all kinds of bums, drunks, druggies, it pretty much rocks.
Then there is my bar. I love who I work for, they rock so hard. Love them! But the bar used to be a really, really bad bar. Like the last owner was a huge coke head and never had liquor on the shelves. People used to buy their own bottles and bring them in. People are still afraid of the bar. But it's getting better, we have a great crowd that does come in, we put on great events and have an amazing (and mostly friendly) staff. But because of the history of the bar we still get a lot of unsavory characters that think it's the old bar. Cut to last night:
I come in at 8, the other bartender leaves. The bar was fairly full, the crowd was mostly too drunk already. I had this kid who I've never seen giving me attitude about me serving him and his friends first and how I should know him and whatnot. But he did drunkenly tip me $30 or more twice so that "I'd take care of him". Whatever. Then I've got the whiniest lady playing pulltabs, and wants more every time I turn around. She wins big ($250) twice and tips me shit. Thank. Before 9, all of the dirty dish area was full and overflowing. It was stupid busy. But as the night progressed, most of the day drunks left and my friends came in. It got better, stayed just where I could handle it without my second on, which means more money for me. Wee! Towards the end of the night I had to kick two people out. An elderly woman, probably 60's, and a man probably in his late 40's. They were both too drunk and I needed to get them out of the bar. The man got outraged and refused to sign his credit card slip. I was nice, I tried to explain several times to him what was up. He still refused so I 86'd him and told him to never come back. Now the lady had earlier drunkenly told me she lost her purse and jacket. And she'd call the cops if she didn't find it. After telling her it wasn't in our bar a million times, I get her to go outside. Five minutes later, she's back. My backup bartender handles her this time and she informs him that she's a greeter at walmart and he's not allowed in there! Holy crap, that's the best thing I've ever heard. I wish I got 86'd from walmart by a drunk grandma! The rest of the night was pretty normal, get everyone paid up and out, move chairs, do dishes, etc.
Here's were Shift from Hell turns into Night of You Have to be Fucking Kidding Me. So after my shift from hell, I just want to go home and sleep. Slight problem, we just moved into a new apartment and only have ONE set of keys. Usually I have them since I work late. But Sarah wanted to go out drinking and she had the keys. She texted me a little before bar close and said to call when I was done and she'd let me in. Cut to 4:30 AM, by the way is as light as 3PM on an overcast day up here in AK. I get done, call her, no answer. Shit. Call, no answer, repeat about a million times. So I go to the outer apartment doors, hoping they'd be unlocked, nope. I walk up around the whole building to get to our window (we sort of look over a parking lot but there's an old stairwell that prevents you from actually getting to our windows) and throw rocks at the window while calling her. I can hear her phone ringing inside. Still no answer. I contemplate scaling the wall to get to my window, but decide against it. So I go back to the bar and watch tv for a while. I love lucy and dog shows at 5Am, awesome. All the while calling and calling and calling. Oh and my phone is going to die soon too. Finally around 6Am I go back to the apartment doors figuring someone has to leave the building. I get let it and head to my apartment. I knock, loudly. I can hear her snoring! And she still won't wake up. I call her, pound on the door, call her. Nothing. Now I'm just done. I sit down in the hallway and start crying. I totally lost it. Then I get the bright idea to use a card to jimmy the door open. And it works in a second. But I'm still upset when I'm inside, still crying. And she still. doesn't. wake. up. What if it had been a fire? That's all I have to ask!
Now I have to go get supplies and set up for a birthday party for a boss at the bar. Let see how tonight goes!

Numero Uno

So I finally broke down and started a blog. I've dabbled in blogging on myspace, but never very consistently. We'll see how I do here.

So what's this blog about? Right now, just the weird thoughts that fill my head. In the future this will most likely be classified as a "two girls trying to make a baby" blog. But I'm not there yet. Well I am. But not really. Here's a little background on Miss M:

I was in a hetro relationship for about a decade, including several years of marriage. Well technically I still need to get divorced. But we're friends now and I'm lazy. After I left my husband, I went a little crazy. Not crazy crazy, but I started acting like a damn high schooler, drinking and hooking up with people. That went off and on for about a year. Then about six months ago I started seeing the best person on earth, Sarah. We had been mutual aquaintances for a year or so before that. It was very interesting in the beginning. I think we both didn't want to get our hopes up, she because up until then I had only dated men, me because she was known as quite the player. Most of my friends thought it was a faze, just going after whoever would give me attention after splitting up with my husband. But they were supportive. Actually everyone I know was. It was amazing. I live in such an awesome town and am apparently surrounded by some pretty amazing, open minded people.
Anyway, fast forward to now, six months later. Still together, still madly in love.

That's my relationship history in a tiny nutshell.