What's it all mean?

I had a dream with my dad in it last night. I don't have those very often anymore. I think I dreamed about him because of a patron I met at the bar, he said he is dying and it's his liver. That's how my dad's cancer started. More about the patron in another post.

What I rememeber from the dream was that most of my family was in a room and my dad was in a chair wrapped in blankets. Here's where it gets dreamy and weird. My dad was very small, like the size of toddler, but all skinny from the chemo. He had really dark skin, my dad was Italian, so he did have dark skin, but this was like he was Indian or Middle Eastern. Then a man who looked like my dad before he got sick is standing in the room at the same time, telling me and everyone that my sick dad is dying. He is falling asleep and won't wake up. So my healthy dad shakes him awake. I go up to my sick dad and hug him and tell him several times that I love him and kiss him. My hand cradled his head, it was so tiny. But in the dream, I could feel his skin, it felt the same, the oily mediterranean skin he had in real life. He was whispering for me to "just leave" he didn't want me to see him like this. I knew he was going to die soon, so I got up and told my younger sister and my older niece that they needed to say goodbye, that he would be gone soon. I woke up soon after that.

I woke up very sad and alone feeling, even with Sarah next to me. The dream I had is pretty much not how my dad died. Because of a horrible government system and distance, my dad died pretty much alone. He and my mom were on McChord or the other base right near there, the x and I were waiting at my sis Jen's house with her family in Anchorage for them to get medivac'd up there. Apparently the plane for such transfers only goes out once a week. They (the fucking asshole "money saving" government) cancelled the flight two times in a row because there weren't enough people to justify the flight. So after these two weeks of waiting, my dad is getting so much worse, they were almost afraid he couldn't fly but they make a flight available for the next Wednesday. That was after they cancelled the second flight on Friday. He died the next day, Saturday, in Washington, alone. My mom had left the room for a moment, and when she came back he was gone. I know that fact weighs so heavy on her, that she was the only one there and she wasn't next to him.

We had him cremated, but never had a funeral or put up a tombstone anywhere. I know I have lots of unresolved issues surrounding his death because of such.
So the dreams I have of him are always bittersweet. To feel like I'm near him again and talking to him, or in this one, able to say goodbye to him. Have him die with his loved ones all around him, like it should have been.

I really didn't mean to write such a sad post, I just wanted to get the dream down. I promise the next post will be funny. Or at least not so Debbie Downer.