First and foremost, I am NOT a supporter of the lack of marriage equality. Especially because I live in a state that seems to think I should NOT be allowed to marry my beautiful future wife.
One of the most common responses to our announcement to friends, after congratulations and wow you guys don't even live together yet!, is the question of where we will be getting married. Will we go to a state that recognizes same sex marriages as marriages? Will we get married for "real"? Which is a perfectly normal question and a good one to ask ourselves. Do we want/ need/ desire a signed document from the government stating we are legally bound to one another? I completely want that piece of paper. However going to another state to get married doesn't change anything in our daily lives in our limited benefit state. I want to get married for "real" here! I want every state I pass through/ live in/ dream about vacationing in to recognize my wife as my wife!
I have read about couples getting married legally outside of their state, having a small legal ceremony and then having a big, closer to home wedding. That brings up two issues with me. One, I am so not made of money. Our wedding is going to be spendy in that it's an unnecessary expense and damn if it's not going to be effing fabulous! So the idea of shelling out money for our big fat gay wedding here and then arranging to fly to another state and do something there, well it makes my wallet cringe. Plus who do you invite to the legal ceremony? And then where?? The second issue is that then one of your weddings becomes more real than the other. What's the opposite of real? Fake. And I don't want even a slight hint of fake having anything to do with our wedding. There is nothing more real than the undying love we have for each other and that's exactly what a wedding should be about.
Not having the option to legally wed in Alaska (thanks jerkfaces), in a way opens up way more choices. Well hell if we can't get married here, lets go somewhere where we can! And fuck, if it doesn't make a difference legally, why even stay in the country? We could get married in some interesting places. Iceland anyone? The Prime Minister and her partner just legally tied the knot. Hurray ladies! But then that really just expands on the issue of how many weddings and who attends which and blah blah blah. Not being able to legally wed has really made me at least think about a lot of different possibilities that I might not have otherwise. All of this is just an interesting observance and no effing way an endorsement for my lack of choice in the matter. I just want the choice to stay in my boring little rainy ass town and declare my love and dedication to the love of my life in front of my friends and family. And then have it "mean something" when I file my taxes.
And while my ranting amps up, might I just add how disappointing (or maybe surprising) the location of same sex marriage states is? I am very, very happy that we have five states to marry in. Currently they are Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C. Same sex marriages are recognized but not performed in New York, Rhode Island, and Maryland. Um hello progressive yet ass backwards West Coast! Wake up and let us marry! Just plain ridiculous. All of it is ridiculous. The fact that "thirty states have constitutional amendments explicitly barring the recognition of same-sex marriage, defining civil marriage as a legal union between a man and a woman" is so completely maddening! I have never, even (or perhaps more so) when I was "straight", been able to wrap my mind around the idea that someone should have control over someone else when it comes to matters that don't truly affect anyone else. Specifically when it comes to pro-choice and gay rights. I heatedly debated and defended both topics in high school. I so vividly remember being incensed by this very holier than thou girl and her teeny tiny closed minded views. Incomprehensible. How can someone stand there and say what I can or can't do when it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with them!?
Sheesh, that's my rant. I guess the bottom line is that it does make a difference to everyone, gay or not. The right to marry fight isn't new, we just have different players this time. The right to interracial marriage is only 43 years old, it was recognized on June 12 (my birthday!), 1967. That is not so very long ago. My parents were married that year. One could reason that they had friends who were interracial couples whom up until that date were legally banned from being married. Yet today that idea is unacceptable. That's what I want, for the idea of the banned gay marriages to be unacceptable, because it is!
Whilst wiki-seaching facts, I came across a quote from Mildred Loving, half of the historic couple who fought for their right to marry. Here it is, gently stolen from the ol' wik...
On June 12, 2007, Mildred Loving issued a rare public statement, which commented on same-sex marriage, prepared for delivery on the fortieth anniversary of the Loving v. Virginia decision of the US Supreme Court. The concluding paragraphs of her statement read as follows:
“ Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.
I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about. ”
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
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