Magna-poet

Invention of Briday

We are still discussing the right date for the Big Day. I think we might stick with May 28th, but June 18th is in the running. It's so tricky because of my birthday on the 12th. I really don't want our wedding to be so close, but it could be the best time of year for it. Especially since we want to have it outdoors. Eek I know, what a crazy idea for this rain soaked town. Bleh I don't care, I'm gonna make it work. We have a very loose plan for the day, contingent on two locations that may not be available as we need them. So that's also scary. But ya know, we've been pretty damn lucky thus far in our amazing universe built for two that I think it will all work out.

Ideas that are floating around the ol' noggin. Here are a few things I've found on e.sty... I really like the idea of blue birds or just two birds for our cake topper.

But then there are these cuties! I love all the designs from this vendor.

But this is the one I really want. Unfortunately it's ridiculously over priced, but I could just see it on our cake. Le sigh.

I would like to have little people on top of the cake as long as it definitely looked like two girls. I think this last one is perfect, all you would have to do is change the hair color and add eyelashes and freckles to the groom. So cute.

And I found these awesome champagne flutes...
Following the bird theme..

Or following my love of sugar skulls...


And for table decorations, etc...
More birds!

And just to cement my nerd-dom...cootie catchers with bride-bride trivia.


And here is a sketch I did of a possible tying the knot dress pour moi. I'm thinking tea length and retro but posh with a little veil and flower/feather fascinator.


So those are some of my ideas so far. I'm sure I'll get many more ideas tomorrow, Briday! So until I get a job Friday's will be turned into myself and another to be wed chickie sitting around talking weddings and drinking. Aww yeah! I love me some fun-employment. Not really though. Give me a job. So I can pay for the wedding I'm planning! :)

More Pics

Here are a few other things I've done in the last few weeks.

Everyone loves nekkid ladies right? Well they should.

Acrylics on canvas board.




Sharpie on shelf backing.


This is my beautiful home.




I been ah cookin'
Lentil Burgers made from leftover Mjeddrah


Sweet Potato chips. Delish but time consuming as fuck.


Sooooy Milk


And shmee...
I kinda gave myself a blondish streak or something.

I did it!!

I officially have art in an art show! Waahooo! I really thought it wouldn't happen what with my vacation, moving, and general pussiness. But I pulled it together and did it. Gotta say, it feels great! Maybe this will be the catalyst to keep me going in the direction I should be. I feel so good creating, I just need to do it more. And I have been, what with the not working currently. I have no excuse and plenty (but never enough) supplies and time.
Speaking of supplies, I found a new one to collect all of. Elmer's Painter's Markers. It's a marker filled with acrylic paint. Neeeeato! I used it on the outline of my swirls and it was so much easier than a brush. As I can justify spending money on artsy stuff, I will be buying many more of them.
I'll keep it short and sweet and leave ya with what's gonna be in the show (it is fully outlined in black, forgot to upload the completed piece.)

Winter time

Brrrr. Okay so it's actually not that cold today. Just wet and chilly. The snow that dumped on us is pretty much gone down here. Making the town have that re-exposed garbage filled streets look we usually see in spring. Wish it was spring! Actually I'm excited for winter and settling into my new place. I'm not looking forward to unpacking all my crap I should just get rid of, but I do like setting up house. Things I plan on doing this winter season:
-Getting my ass to the gym. Regularly!
-Leaning back towards a vegetarian diet. I just feel drawn to it. Might as well accept it.
-Ace my state job interview on Monday and get a big girl job.
-Make myself spend time being artsy. Explore new mediums and craft styles. Just started using thin tip and paint brush tip markers. Very outside my comfort zone and fun.
-Work on being me and figuring out who that is. It's something I've thought about for a long time and need to get down to it. I need to know me and what I want before I can expect someone else to!
-Think outside myself. Again this is something I often think about but don't act on. I want to make a difference, even if it's just a teeny tiny one.

What I've done so far this winter:
-Reduced my smoking. I'm down from a pack a day to zero to two to five a day. I'll take it! And I'll get to zero all the time. But it's a big baby step for me.
-Moved! And dang I never want to again!
-Started pushing myself artistically Working on filling up all my half used sketch books. And actually honing and expanding my photography skills.
-Seen through bullshit. I'm over games and drama. I want friends not people that bring me down. Luckily I've got good friends.

And for my final list, Things I heart at the moment in no particular order:
-Lady Gaga I am thoroughly impressed with her level of committment to weird entertainment. I think she's rad and fun to shake my ass to, so there.
-The Kardashians I should be ashamed to admit this, but I'm so looking forward to the new show on Dec 13th. I think there should be a drinking game involved. Something along the lines of a shot every time they hold their phone in front of their mouth to talk. But you'd be passed out before it was over!
-My friends! This has definitely been an interesting fall into winter and not the best by far. I couldn't survive without my V!! And Bumble Bee and Lil' Miss Cap't.
-Candy canes Yum, yay Christmas time! But only the good ones, Bob's. So very derish! Dang I knew I should have brought one to work!
-V's parents A couple of those rare genuinely nice people! So very very nice. I haven't been around a family setting in so long, it's like being wrapped in a blanket and handed a kitten and cocoa and then being told silly almost off color jokes. And they're being super understanding of my money flow as I transition apartments and jobs.

Gee I guess that's about it. Now to try and do these lists. And semi regularly blog about it to boot!

Happy Post?

I'll try and make it so, but no promises. I've been spinning my wheels in CT since B dropped me off on Thursday. The story was she'd be back by today or Monday. And that got delayed. So now maybe Wednesday. Which is making me feel like I have a soggy rain cloud around my head. Well so much for happy post. It's just so very frustrating to be within 3 hours of her and not be with her. Especially when I only have limited days when I can possibly be with her. I'm literally killing time. Bam. Gone. But all I can tell myself is that I'm in it to win it. This is worth it. It's worth whatever this winter can throw at me. She's worth it a million times over. I've got this!

The slight upside to her not moving to Juneau this winter is that I'm free to work at the bar. Not that she wouldn't let me! It's just that I hated the idea of her being there working a more normal hours job and me going to work when she gets home. I hate living an opposite life. It's not fun. Not even a little. But if she's not there, hell I can work every effing night. Working New Year's Eve? Not a prob, no one to kiss! So my current plan is to work as much as possible all winter. This will make time pass and make me money. Another plan is to stop drinking. Like completely. All the time. I know myself and I know I will end up shooting myself in the foot if I drink this winter. So that will be even better for me! I'm not going to eff up the most amazing thing to happen to me because I want to get tipsy. I'm too old to do that crap. I've got my eye on the prize. So for now I'm working my way through my bottle o' vodka at my mom's house. And damn am I a good bartender!

Today was a good day though. I did all kinds of crafty stuff. Like tons yo! I added text to the wall hanging I started painting yesterday. And I watercolored a picture of the back yard and gave it to my mom. It should be hung on the fridge cause it looks like a 7th grader made it. But it made me happy. I sat outside pretty much all day painting. And drilling. Or etching, whatever. I got a little pen sized etching tool and picked the good rocks from around the patio and etched stuff on them. Mostly hearts and stars and whatnot. My ulterior motive is to give them to B (so that she thinks about me every second I'm not with her). Big surprise there! I may get some shallow wood box and fill it with white sand and she can have a tiny zen garden of love or I will just give her the stones. Some of them turned out pretty darn cool. Iffin I do say so myself. I also finally got my metal character stamps. Woo hoo! I've been searching for them all summer. Debating whether or not I really needed them or not. And then we were going to some store and next to it was one of the places I had found them online. Hot damn real world! They haven't worked perfectly yet. I need a benchstone or anvil, but they will!

Later on in the day a neighbor brought over a ton of mystery peppers and broccoli from the community garden. Grandma didn't want him to leave all of it, she thought it was too much. I said hell no and thank you very much, we'll take it ALL! Turns out the peppers are hot like I thought. They are delish is what they really are! So I have two bowls of sliced peppers waiting. I think I am going to make pickled peppers. And also that mix my dad loved to eat, some Italian thing. Peppers, cauliflower, carrots and onions pickled together. I love that shit. And now I get to make it? Holy effing radness batman. So my plan is to research just the right recipe and techniques tonight. Tomorrow pick the carrots and beets from the backyard and getta cannin! Oh yeah I'm gonna pickle some beets too. I could very quickly get used to having a garden. Very quickly.

Time o' Transition

I am so mother effing excited to almost be unemployed! I have today and tomorrow off because there is no boat either day. And then the last boat comes on Sunday. I have to do payroll on Monday but that should be about it. YAYS! Then just a couple days to try to get ready for my trip and off I go.

So far today has been fantastically lazy and productive. I got to sleep in, watched the best movie ever (I love you man), took a package to the post office and have been soaking up WIFI from the Rondy ever since. I decided to make a sticker for the bar. We need some grass roots advertising. And my laptop needs one. So that's making me feel like I'm actually utilizing some of my creativity that's been going to waste.

And I've been contemplating what I'm going to do for the Alternative Arts thingy in December. I have a month to work on it when I get back. I think I'm gonna paint my lady-quin finally. But we'll see. I'm afraid I will just "not decide" and end up not doing anything. Which is bullshit. This is exactly what I need. To be forced to be creative and produce something that the public will see. Instead of just friends that see my random shit.

I really really wish I had the interweb at my house. It would be way better than sitting in a cold bar. Poo. I might just have to get it this winter. But hell if I know what's going on or even where I'll be this winter. It is the great unknown at the moment. Kinda freaking me out. But kinda the most awesome thing ever. I'll take it!

Forever and a Day...

I have been horribly ignoring this blog and I don't even have a good excuse. Yes getting a new place, getting used to being alone, starting my summer job, those are alright excuses. But I could have been blogging about all of that. I just suck. Plain and simple.
A slightly better excuse is that I have so much to blog about I just don't know where to start. Since the break up things have been up and down, but that's to be expected. They are gradually going up more than down so that's nice. We're still friends sometimes and that's nice too. It'll get better.
I've been hanging out with my friend V almost constantly for the last three months. We used to just drink all the damn time. Ah lot. But it's one of my ways of coping. But lately within the last month or so we've been doing fun stuff outside of bars. We've been having Saturday Adventure Days. We built a fire pit at her brothers house, we BBQ all the time, she was on the radio. Got our hair did and she watched a dog die the same day. OK that one's not good, but weird and random. But basically, we're learning how to be happy again and it's awesome. Sure we still drink but not anywhere near the level it was at.
About my job, I've started back at the knife shop. Fifth year for eff sake. But I racked up all kinds of bills during the last year so I gotta get em paid down somehow. I was going to try and keep Thursday nights at the bar since it's summer and way busier. I did it twice and decided I don't want to do both jobs. So it's knives for the summer and I'll most likely go back to bartending at the 'Vous this fall. That is if I don't get a wild hair and move somewhere crazy.
I keep feeling like I should move. I get restless after a couple of years, I get it from my dad. But every time I move, I just end up wanting to come back home to Juneau. It has a sick hold over me. Maybe I could get someone to move into my place for the winter, not really give everything up. We'll see.
I've been feeling very socially conscientious lately. Like I want to make a fucking difference. I know I can't change peoples minds and opinions, but I can give them options they might not have known about. I want to make a difference. I want to make an impact on the world. I've felt like this off and on since high school. Specifically regarding gay rights, even though at the time I definitely didn't identify as gay. But some part of my brain knew. Now the rest of me caught up.
Speaking of the whole gay thing, it drives me insane when people say I'm not gay. I had a good (gay) friend say that to me a couple of weeks ago. I almost cried. I can't help it I'm a bi femme and about as far under the gaydar as you can get. I'm still fucking gay. Don't marginalize me. Please. I don't really think bi is the right term for me. It is but it isn't. Yes I've liked men, yes I've liked women. I don't fall for the gender I fall for the person. But I am whole heartily more attracted to women. As I like to say, I get a little straight when I drink. It just happens in a town this size, it's more likely for me to meet a guy than a girl. Which leads me to the next subject.
I met a girl! Huzzah! I don't know what's gonna happen. Whatever does is going to take a nice long time because she is only in town every other weekend for the summer. Which is really good cause I'm not good at going slow. I don't drive but I own a UHaul kinda mentality. But she's incredibly chivalrous and sweet. And it's so nice to kiss a girl again. I've been floating in the stratosphere since last Wednesday and I love it. It's better than any man made drug out there. I am most certainly a fan of this feeling.
And on that oh so long winded note, I believe I have caught my readerless blog up to date. Until next time...

Seattle Trip Part the deux the 3rd & the IV

So Saturday I didn't wake up with a hangover, I think I just woke up drunk. Awesome. But I never blacked out, so that's a high point. We went to IHOP for brekkie and commented on all the hidious plants and pictures. Turns out they were for sale. Had I been a little drunker when we got there I totally would have bought a huge fake plant to bring to my sister. Lucky for her I wasn't.

After our marginal but fun breakfast we went to Fred's for some pain medicine. The first day out of Juneau and I get to go to one of the only stores we have. Really? But it was fun because there was this super weird lady in the easter section that made it all worth while. I got easter baskets for the kids since I don't have a lot of chances to be the spoiling aunt. Then it was back to my coworker's apartment to wait for my boss' boyfriend. He was way the hell down in Tacoma and the traffic was bad. So we hung out until 2 or so. Then we hit the road and drove up to Bothell. When we were about ten minutes away I started getting all excited because I recognized stuff. I know that coffee hut! I know that burger place, I know that weird casino in the strip mall! She's right around the corner!

Got to J's house, the kids were all playing it cool. Like oh hey, auntie Marguerite, yeah it's cool to see you again. Until I pulled out the baskets and pumped them full of sugar. The best candy was this sucker that had a bunny nose on it. Basically a candy pacifier. So once they opened those they were quiet for like two hours. And ridiculously adorable. Then they started getting more amped up. So I taught them some dance moves every 5 or 7 year old should know. The cabbage patch, the sprinkler, and that one where you put one hand behind your back and one holds up your leg. My nephew rocks socks at doing that one. It was so awesome. They are like little coiled springs.

We went to Target that night because TSA apparently doesn't like electric toothbrushes in luggage. I know I packed it. I think. On the way back I got Taco Bell! Wooo. It was as crappy and delish as I remember.


Sunday the kids went to their dad's so J and I got to go shopping. Well she had to deal with me wanting to look at everything would be more accurate. I may have gone slightly crazy in Seph.ora. Juuuust slightly. We were checking out and the lady signed me up for the beauty points thing and says ok you have 250 points. J says how much is a point? And I say probably a dollar. And yep it was! Holy hell. But I have tons of awesome makeup that will last me forever. Especially because I will keep using my cheap stuff mostly. I'm weird.
We were shopping at the sale section of a store and I saw a striped shirt for ten bucks. And it looked like it could actually fit my fat ass. Good enough for me, I got it. It had small snaps on the shoulder on one side but I didn't think much of it. Well we get home and try on our clothes. I pull the "shirt" out of the bag upside down. And see a crotch. I BOUGHT A JUMPER! So of course I go try it on anyway. Holy hell hilarious. It fits, most of my ass is covered. I just don't see how they marketed it in the first place. We were joking that the check out guy was probably laughing to himself that someone actually bought it. But it's really thin material and I can cut off the crotch and around the lower hem and it will be a cool shirt. But I'm going to wait till I get home so everyone can revel in it's douchebaggery.

Monday was super exciting, what will me being stuck in the suburbs all day. I got to watch several episodes of my favorite Law & Or, SVU. And some show about "make me a supermodel" or some shit like that. But there were naked chicks covered in glitter when I turned it on, so no complaints from me! I also started painting a picture for my unborn unnamed nephew. It's pretty cool, sort of the horizon edge of earth with the sun coming up with twilight above it. I need to add stars and stuff. I'm thinking I will use a glitter pen for that. I think the effect would be cool. But we'll see. I'm not so good at the details. When J came home we got to go to my favorite food store. I could literally live there. The produce is amazing, they have everything on earth. The deli is huge, the cheese selection. It's sort of a health store, but they have regular products there too. And it's huuuuge. I ended up getting the salad bar for dinner. But I couldn't resist some avocados and fresh basil. I just want to wear the basil it smells so good. I think I need to go back for some mozzarella and tomatoes. mmmm. That sounds so good my mouth is watering.

Today I am listening to huge branches fall on the roof. It's super windy but sunny out. I love it. Kind of creepy though when you're in the bathroom and a branch falls on the skylight. Please don't crush me while I'm peeing!
I think I will work on baby's picture for a while. And when J gets of work we get to go to Heather Armstrong's book signing. How awesome is that. I happen to take a random trip to Seattle and this woman who's blog I read is on a book tour and happens to stop in Seattle while I'm here. Rad. I'm way excited.

And that's my trip up to date. Well, I've been getting super strange dreams every night. Like extra weird. I know dreams are always weird, but these take the cake. J says it's her house, she dreamt I was going through all this and was coming to visit a week before I told her, so it could be the house. But I think it's her preggo-ness that makes her psychic. I think the lack of drinking is literally what's doing it. They keep being partially really good and then really bad. And have some repeat characters in them. Weird weird weird, I need a drink :)

Ups and Downs

That's the way of life though isn't it? Highs and lows. blarg. 

Lately I have been very into painting. I painted my first realistic painting in forever. And I think I did a pretty good job. It's of the view from my craft room, houses and trees and mountainside using watercolors. I was pretty happy when I figured out what colors to use to paint snow. Not too bad. Usually I paint weird blobs and shades of colors. The next day I painted a slightly strange, slightly awesome picture with oils. It's of a little onion boy reaching to get out of a room via a window. I think it's absurdly rad. Then because I hadn't been messy enough with that one, I switched to acrylics and finger painted an Alaskan flag with fireweed below.

I don't think I'm a great artist, I'm just slightly artistic. I'm sure if I went to school I could be fairly good at some medium. But for now it's just fun to do. To make. It makes me feel good.

And lately not much is doing that. I'm so worried and confused and scared. I don't know what to do or not do. I don't want things to get worse, I don't want things to be over. AT ALL. I want this to get better. But what if I can't? What if I'm hanging on for hanging on's sake? I don't want to give up until I know there is nothing I can do. But I need to know what I can try and do. And I'm not getting any answers. I know I still want it. I know I still love. 

Ooh, I got a tattoo this weekend. Fairly spur of the moment. We were out Friday night and I ran into my tattoo artist. For whatever reason I said that I had always wanted a mustache tattoo on my index finger. I have, but I don't know why it popped into my head. He said he would have time the next day. So I drunkenly said yes! The next morning I was so scared excited. Like am I really gonna do this? Really?? I looked them up online, apparently all the damn cool kids are doing it. I got a lot of ideas of what to do and not do. One was really funny, the guy just had the word "mustache" tattooed on his finger. Ha! But I ended up doing it and I love it. And then had a great drunk night of showing it off. On a funny side note, every time I said "Do you want to see my new tattoo?" everyone looked at my boobs. Really? Sheesh, it was funny, it seriously happened almost every time. Then I'd hold my finger up to my face and crack them up. But it's already started to fade because of where it is which is to bad, but I expected it to happen.

Last night was so crazily busy at work. Usually Wednesday's are pretty slow. We have karaoke and lame asses come in and sing. But at nine people started showing up and then it was like a parade coming in. The bar was packed and people were yelling and waving for drinks. I guess what happened was some legie's lost a bet and had to dress up like the Blues Brothers and sing. Hence super packed bar. Lucky for me Deb was there and was able to hop behind the bar and help. And help she did for like three hours. We ran out of beer, fruit, booze. It was amazing. My muscles are so sore today. Especially from lifting a full trash bag above my head to put it in the trash can. Yuck. And it was the night I had to move all the chairs too. I didn't clock out until almost 3, craziness. It felt like summer, I wish that happened more often.

I love being busy like that, it reconfirms that I'm actually a damn good bartender. I can do the job and well. And it makes me feel accomplished. It was great. Now tonight is probably going to be back to the usual of regulars pissing me off and not tipping. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Plans, Scams, and Plarn

This is going to be a three parter since blog material has been stacking up. Part one of Plans, Scams and Plarn: 

Plans

So S and I have been talking plans. Plans for us and our future. They're all good and necessary, but only one is fun. Next year start TTC! Huzzah! So of course we were all baby centered when we went out for a date on Friday (which was a blast!). Well, more donor centered. And finding the cheapest way to have a baby. Hell the hetero's do it for free, why can't we?

One of our potential donor's was at the bar, since he owns it and all, and instead of waiting for him to get liquored up, S waits until she's had several martini's and blurts out: We need your sperm, J. We need it! He just ends up laughing, we all do. It was hilarious. But I think in a year he might be willing to spare some for us. We'll see.

Oh and Friday night rocked. We haven't been doing anything fun lately, so we decided to get dressed up and go out. I'll try to upload to flickr but it takes forever. Basically we were two hot bitches if I do say so myself:)

Okay back to plans. While bartending an incredibly boring offsite event I wrote a to do list for '09. Here goes.

• Get divorced I've been separated since '06/'07, completely in love with S,  it's damn time.
  
• Pay off debt I have a very large balance that needs to go away. Hence me taking the job at the knife shop again.
  
• Start Savings Account 
• Obedience train Zyda Enough said.
  
• Lose weight I'm tired of being fat and I know I can lose it. So this is the year.
  
• Pick a career 
• Fix our relationship 
• Make money from my crafts I only mean this in that I need to push myself. I am fairly crafty, if I can make any money off of it, maybe I can make it my job.
  
• Budget! And stick to it 
• Get a passport and travel
• Take a class I've been out of school for about a decade, my brain is rotting. Any class, anywhere. From UAS to a craft class to something online. Anything.
  
• Be more communicative
  
• Learn a new skill or hobby
  
• Spend time with friends
  
• Quit smoking
  

The end. This is completely feasible for this year. There is no reason I can't do all or the majority of these things. And damn it, now it's on the internet, there's no hiding from it.

Next up Part Two: Scams

DIY Fun!

So since my lovely Sarah kicked ass and cleaned the monster of a mess in the second bedroom, I have craft space! Woot woot. And now the creative juices are a flowin'. 

We brought up a crappy 4x6 folding table to use in there. The top is covered in spray paint and a corner is crushed and the inner particle board is showing. So this morning while snuggling with the dog I came up with my first craft project in the room. Table Makeover! I have pretty much everything left over from when I painted the dresser, sanding paper, cleaner, primer, etc. And I have two tester pouches of a red paint we were gonna use on a stool and never did. I even have some wood putty that I can fill in the crushed corner with.

So I was half asleep thinking about what to do to it and I got all kinds of carried away. First just painting it ah color. Then painting a picture on it. Then using body parts to make a picture on it ala "Better Than Chocolate", which definitely sounded like the most fun! If you haven't seen the movie, add it to your queue now! And then it even went to inlaying bottle caps or pottery bits with that liquid glass stuff.

But those ideas minus the first were reaching a bit farther than I could. So it's back to just painting it one color. Blah. But it's more fun than having a shitty table with spray paint on it.

I just filled in the corner with the wood putty and have to let it dry for an hour. Then I can sand and clean and paint. Wee fun! It's sad how excited I am. I love being crafty and artsy but never have the space, therefore I'm never motivated. But now I have tons of space and tons of motivation. Talk about a good gift! My baby rocks socks!

I met with my boss today and talked about plans for the summer. Nothing big, deciding which items to feature in coupons. But I got a tasty lunch out of it and got to see his adorably preggo wife. Who offered me a chance to sell my scarves at their glass shop this summer. Hell yeah! Any income is good! Especially if I'm getting paid for what I like to do anyway. I told her about my screen press and she was interested in that. So if I can actually produce good shirts, I could make some moola that way too. But I've got to get crackin, I'm not going to have time once the summer gets underway.

Speaking of the summer, who's coming to Alaska? Come on up, it rocks! Cruising is actually a pretty cheap way to get around and you could come see me at the knife shop! Juneau is indescribably amazing. It is truly a one of a kind town, I highly recommend it to anyone thinking about a different kind of vacation. And if you don't like the idea of being herded around which most (not all) of the cruise ships do, you have other options. The Alaska Marine Highway is a fantastic ferry system we have in southeast. You can decide which towns to see and how long you want to stick around in each town. 

So seriously, you out there in the blogsphere daydreaming about summer vacations, think about Alaska. You won't regret it. And that's coming from someone who hates it most of the time she's here:)

*I have to add something about my horrible dream I had this morning. You don't have to read it, I just need to get it out of my head.*

Holy crap, I will say it is unequivocally the SCARIEST dream I've ever had. I think it was so bad because it seemed like I was awake the whole time. I woke up when Sarah got up and then fell back asleep. But it was like I was staring at the wall next to my bed still awake. Then I started seeing these vicious faces, one in particular, over and over. And I couldn't close my eyes to make them go away. Then I started hearing voices in my head. Like "she needs a comfy jacket that lets her hug herself" kind of voices. And they were screaming and arguing and freaking me the fuck out. So I was trying to scream for Sarah in my dream, trying to wake myself up and nothing was coming out. So then I reached out to pull on the blinds to make noise so she would come in. But I didn't really do that either. This is when it gets worse. It was like I woke up but could still hear and see everything, so I was still scared. I started shaking with fear and literally shook myself off the end of the bed and ended up against the wall screaming "Mom" over and over. Which is weird cause I'm not that close to my mom. But then I realized I had to yell for Sarah if she was gonna come, so I did. But she never came. Then I actually woke up. It was fucking awful and realistic. I thought I had pulled on the blinds, I thought I had ended up on the floor. I would assume it was like a bad acid trip or a dream you'd have if you were sick with scarlet fever. Holy hell it was horrible. Then I fell back asleep and had another scary dream, but in comparison not nearly as bad.

Loot-o-rama

So we finally dragged ourselves out of bed at noon to open presents. For two people, there was a huge pile of wrapping paper left over. I made out like a bandit, Sarah is so good. As is her family. From the family I got two seasons of Friends and a food processor! A nice one at that. And it's red so it will match my voodoo man knife holder.

From Sarah I got my perfume that I was juuuust running out of, a huge pack of colored sharpies (I'm an artsy nerd), and other sweet stuff. But my second favorite gift from her was my calender. It's called Pinup's for Pit bulls. Basically hot, tattooed pin ups and their adopted pits. So freaking awesome!

But the really, really, amazing gift she got me is a silk screen press! I can't believe it! I've wanted one forever but never got around to getting one. And hell, I don't know when I might have talked to her about it. Certainly not anytime recently. Good job baby! I can't wait to use it!!

I think I got her pretty good stuff, but she did way better. I am thoroughly impressed. Have I mentioned I'm a picky bitch? And while I won't be mean about it I often don't like what people get me. So she really did good.

Her parents got her a macro lens for her camera, so she's wandering around taking extreme close ups of things. I got her tons of bath salt stuff for her stocking along with a bath pillow. So she's already used those:) My little bath baby.

Of course Christmas isn't all about presents. Okay, it sort of is. But I am doing a good Christmas deed when I'm done blogging. We've been hiding a flat screen tv since Thanksgiving for a friend of ours. While they are out we're gonna deliver it. So they'll get back, he'll think Christmas is over and BAM, flat screen! I love it.

Then we're gonna veg and watch either prison break season 2, carnivale season 2, or friends. I'm pretty damn excited!

Merry Christmahanukwanzica!

For S

This is a wordle I made for Sarah. It's parts of two Pablo Neruda poems. He is my all time favorite poet. If you haven't heard of him, check him out. Now!

Holly Jolly Holidays

Thanksgiving was fun. It was the first year it was just two people, not a ton, not going to a semi strangers house and dealing with random people. It was very nice for it to just be Sarah and me and the pets. Since it was just us we made tiny little cornish game hens. They were adorable and once I got Sarah to pick meat off it for me, they were delish.

We did pretty good, we got everything cooked with out any near fires or severed fingers. All with two massive hangovers. Pretty damn impressive. And we got done and out of the house in time to watch most of the A&M game. Or massacre, whichever. And just when I was getting nice and cozy on the couch at the Rendezvous, it was time for me to work. Blah. It was super slow. Super super slow. But at least there was a creepy old guy giving me weird dirty compliments. That's always fun. But after a while Carrie came down and he started talking to her. Trying to buy her drinks, etc. I guess old guys have no gaydar or he's just really determined.

Verity came down and brought me leftovers. Yum! But before she came, whilst it was massively slow, I did arts and crafts. A lemon had been left out, so I decided to turn it into a hedgehog. And I think it turned out pretty damn good. And if my computer wasn't so slow I'd upload to flickr so all the world could know my talents. And since it was still slow, I then moved on to coloring and made a hand turkey. Not a jive turkey or a hand jive, just a hand turkey.
Thankfully the night picked up around midnight and I was busy and made a few bucks.

Tonight Sarah and I are going to the Public Market. I'm so excited. I love the hustle and bustle and the smells and just the familiarity of it all. It will suck balls that I have zero dollars to spend there. But maaaaybe if I just can't live without it...

TtV - Through the Viewfinder Photography

So I just recently learned about TtV photography. Basically you take an old camera, the kind you look down into the viewfinder, focus your digital camera on the image in the viewfinder and take a picture. It is tricky to focus on the image and not the glass of the viewfinder. But it makes the photos look old and slightly warped or out of focus at the edges. My camera doesn't focus on the image easily, it gets stuck on the scratches on the glass, but Sarah's much more expensive camera does a better job. So I just wanted to post a few of my first good attempts. I won't bore anyone with the tons of massively blurry shots.