So maybe it's been a while. Six months huh? That is a while! Let's see where my lil life is at...
I am currently gainfully employed by the State of Alaska, title Office Zombie I. Some day if my rational thinking skills degrade enough, I can move up the corporate ladder. It is very, very different from working in the private sector. I at least like some parts of my job (at least I keep telling myself that) and definitely love the security and benefits!
Which is good since I've also had some weird, I don't even know what you'd call it ailment, I guess. I've been sick for months and have no real clues as to what is causing it. It's just great, super fun, lemme tell you! But on the plus side, and yes I know this is vain, being too sick to eat made me drop like 20 lbs. Heck yeah! At least I get something out of it, right?! And it makes me aware of what I eat, so maybe I can get all better and just keep losing weight! Also heck yeah!
I quit smoking. Oh yeah. For reals. I quit October 20th. I have smoked probably a total of 5 cigarettes, either a full bummed one or stolen drags. And pretty much all when drinking, not when stressed. Which to me is a really good thing. I know that I still want to do that when drinking, but I also know I don't really drink much. So if say I want a puff and that's it, then I will do that. But even when drinking I haven't liked it. It's like my brain is so trained to want it, it just does automatically and now it's having to relearn that it doesn't like it. And it's doing damn good job!
My amazing future wife is just that, amazing! I won't say that it's sunshine and roses everyday but that's okay! It's better than that, it's honesty and communication! SO WEIRD! She is really a truly incredible person and I'm a lucky girl. We've decided on Spring / Summer of 2012 for the wedding. Mainly so we have more time to save up for it. We're both on the same page: this is it, let's do it right. The latest wedding plans are looking "ship shape" :) We'll see if they last, it is still a long ways off. But not that far!!
We're looking to add another cat to the fam-damily. Jack is such, such, such a sweetheart. She has become this lovey, adorable cat since we moved into The Palace. But she's also super needy. She meows all the time. Meows because you came home and didn't immediately pet her, meows because she just walked into the room and you didn't immediately look at her, meows because she is staring at the wall... Oh and she often wakes one or both of us up around 5AM. It's usually me because I'm up off and on anyway. And K buries herself way under the covers so Jack's claws can't get to her anymore. And somewhere in our crazy, lesbian minds there is some chemical seeping into our bloodstreams. A chemical that says "Yes, another cat would fix all your current cat problems." And so we are looking for another cat, preferably a kitten. I really think that if Jack is to like a new addition at all it will have to be young. I think she'd just be pissed at us for bringing another adult cat in.
Let's hope another six months don't pass before I post again...
Showing posts with label coffin nails. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coffin nails. Show all posts
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, February 19, 2010
February, really?
Cause it looks to me like it's late April and those cruise ships should be headed up the channel in no time. But they'll be here soon enough. Time to enjoy the strangely sunny fair weather of Feb without the waddling tourists. I did enjoy the sun and crazy low fog-cloud-thing hanging over the channel today. Every time I went outside to smoke.
I've had so many things to blog about and they roll back and forth in my head. Trying to decide if they're actually blog worthy. Taking into consideration I've blogged about a virtual panda I've adopted, not much should get turned down. I just keep putting it off until whatever blog fodder seems outdated and then I don't. Like how it would make no sense to blog about going to Las Vegas for the Shot Show. Meh that was like years, ok 3-4 weeks, ago.
Trip in a nutshell: I twisted my ankle two days before I left. Fog delayed leaving town by half a day. Got to eat at 13 Coins, LOVE it. Walked about a zillion miles across the Sands convention center looking at knives and guns and grip and grinning with vendors. Filled my bag with knife swag. Played slots. Drank. Went to huge porn shop. Played more slots. Drank even more. Ate sushi with mango. Did I mention drank? Started smoking again, damn casinos. Rained the entire time, never got wet, gotta love parking garages. Realized I have a fear of parking garages. Shoved my carry on full, had to leave free knives. Flew to Seattle for the night. Hit another convention. Went out to drink, err I mean, eat. Went to two gay bars. Danced my ass off despite my twisted ankle. Came home. The end.
Maybe I should always blog like that. Much more efficient. Or something. Ooh crappy, that's it, much more crappy :) Let's see what else? We hosted a tattoo and piercing competition at the bar. That was cool. It was great to see so many different amazing tattoos. And most of them were on old ass gnarly bikers which made it even sweeter. It was a good turn out. The bar was supposed to be done being renovated for the party, but it is the bar. So liiiike half of it was done. But it's a start and it's really looking good. Way less piss smell.
Then there was the Super Bowl. My job was to cocktail but I mostly wandered around pulling off a 24oz heiny trying to get people to drink or buy shots and giving away raffle prizes. So at the end of it I had had a bagazillion drinks and not much food. That equated to me going to a friends boat, I do remember looking down the boat stairs...and falling down them. Nice cut on my hand, awesome sobbing on my part, friend luckily sober enough to drive me across the street and up the hill. Woke up to a nice throbbing hand and huge bruises. It wasn't a good day needless to say.
Which leads to Saturday, the next time I went out. I obviously needed a break after that super Sunday and had a week to dry out until Sevanni's bday. So I got all hotted up, gotta say I think my make up was extra smoky eyed and fierce. Added a sweet blonde streaky thing to my hair. It was good, it was all good. Went out and just got stupid. It was dumb. Not as bad as super bowl but still just plain lame. Which leads up to the real meat of this blog post. I quit drinking.
Forever? Doubtful, but who knows? What I do know is that this winter has been mostly shitty. A lot of it has been beyond my control but a good amount of it has been made worse by me. And drinking, ever the depressant it is, isn't helping. And I have the awe inspiring talent of being able to drink considerable amounts of booze and still "function". I'm sure it'd be more of a talent if say I was in college and not pushing 30. But as it is, it's not really doing me any favors by being able to down a dozen shots and not care to stop.
In some ways it would be easier if I just couldn't function without a daily drink, if I was a classic alcoholic. At least easier for people to say, dude you need help. I don't know what the future holds and whether or not booze will be a part of it. It definitely freaks me the fuck out to think of never, ever drinking again. But maybe. My goal for now is to just dry out till spring. See where my head is at then and maybe try it out again. But more short term I've been holed up in my apartment working out and watching the Olympics all day. It's kind of all I can do right now. And it's helping. One, I now understand the fine art of curling and kind of want to try it. Two, I've been kicking my ass daily on my elliptical machine and it feels good. It feels effing fantastic. Even when I go outside to enjoy the sunshine and smoke afterwards. Baby steps yo, baby steps.
I've had so many things to blog about and they roll back and forth in my head. Trying to decide if they're actually blog worthy. Taking into consideration I've blogged about a virtual panda I've adopted, not much should get turned down. I just keep putting it off until whatever blog fodder seems outdated and then I don't. Like how it would make no sense to blog about going to Las Vegas for the Shot Show. Meh that was like years, ok 3-4 weeks, ago.
Trip in a nutshell: I twisted my ankle two days before I left. Fog delayed leaving town by half a day. Got to eat at 13 Coins, LOVE it. Walked about a zillion miles across the Sands convention center looking at knives and guns and grip and grinning with vendors. Filled my bag with knife swag. Played slots. Drank. Went to huge porn shop. Played more slots. Drank even more. Ate sushi with mango. Did I mention drank? Started smoking again, damn casinos. Rained the entire time, never got wet, gotta love parking garages. Realized I have a fear of parking garages. Shoved my carry on full, had to leave free knives. Flew to Seattle for the night. Hit another convention. Went out to drink, err I mean, eat. Went to two gay bars. Danced my ass off despite my twisted ankle. Came home. The end.
Maybe I should always blog like that. Much more efficient. Or something. Ooh crappy, that's it, much more crappy :) Let's see what else? We hosted a tattoo and piercing competition at the bar. That was cool. It was great to see so many different amazing tattoos. And most of them were on old ass gnarly bikers which made it even sweeter. It was a good turn out. The bar was supposed to be done being renovated for the party, but it is the bar. So liiiike half of it was done. But it's a start and it's really looking good. Way less piss smell.
Then there was the Super Bowl. My job was to cocktail but I mostly wandered around pulling off a 24oz heiny trying to get people to drink or buy shots and giving away raffle prizes. So at the end of it I had had a bagazillion drinks and not much food. That equated to me going to a friends boat, I do remember looking down the boat stairs...and falling down them. Nice cut on my hand, awesome sobbing on my part, friend luckily sober enough to drive me across the street and up the hill. Woke up to a nice throbbing hand and huge bruises. It wasn't a good day needless to say.
Which leads to Saturday, the next time I went out. I obviously needed a break after that super Sunday and had a week to dry out until Sevanni's bday. So I got all hotted up, gotta say I think my make up was extra smoky eyed and fierce. Added a sweet blonde streaky thing to my hair. It was good, it was all good. Went out and just got stupid. It was dumb. Not as bad as super bowl but still just plain lame. Which leads up to the real meat of this blog post. I quit drinking.
Forever? Doubtful, but who knows? What I do know is that this winter has been mostly shitty. A lot of it has been beyond my control but a good amount of it has been made worse by me. And drinking, ever the depressant it is, isn't helping. And I have the awe inspiring talent of being able to drink considerable amounts of booze and still "function". I'm sure it'd be more of a talent if say I was in college and not pushing 30. But as it is, it's not really doing me any favors by being able to down a dozen shots and not care to stop.
In some ways it would be easier if I just couldn't function without a daily drink, if I was a classic alcoholic. At least easier for people to say, dude you need help. I don't know what the future holds and whether or not booze will be a part of it. It definitely freaks me the fuck out to think of never, ever drinking again. But maybe. My goal for now is to just dry out till spring. See where my head is at then and maybe try it out again. But more short term I've been holed up in my apartment working out and watching the Olympics all day. It's kind of all I can do right now. And it's helping. One, I now understand the fine art of curling and kind of want to try it. Two, I've been kicking my ass daily on my elliptical machine and it feels good. It feels effing fantastic. Even when I go outside to enjoy the sunshine and smoke afterwards. Baby steps yo, baby steps.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Quitter
I got a new tattoo! Yay! Finally for eff's sake, it's been almost a year! For xmas my incredibly awesome artist gave me a free hour of work. So now I have a half done huuuge fleur de lis on my back. Which I love and can't wait to get filled in. Of course I freaked myself out before hand. I always get nervous before a tattoo. What if it suddenly hurts way more than any other tattoo I've gotten? What if the horrible cough I've had rears its ugly head and makes for a shitty outline? What if I hate it? Well luckily none of the above happened. Yes it hurt! It's tiny needles being jabbed repeatedly into my skin, kittens weren't licking it on. But I managed. It was only an hour, I could have sat for longer but I had to go to work. Yes I scheduled my tattoo right before I had to work. At a new bar. Smart. But it was only the Bergmann so I wasn't expecting it to be busy and I've been there plenty of times and made a drink or two there. This would just be my first time behind the bar during bar hours!
It was fine. Completely dead for the first three hours. Luckily two of my friends came in and helped clean my tattoo for me. Nothing says true friends like "sure I'll touch your open wound"! Then there was a little party for the last night of Christmas. Which didn't make it too busy, just fun, and I got food. I'm down with that. And I only had to stretch and reach the top shelf once which was a big plus.
I quit smoking this year. So far so damn good. I've been using the patch which I know will still lead to me wanting to smoke once I finish using them, but they're working for now. Yesterday I tried no patch since I'm running down and I was just staying at home anyway. That plus my awesome pms-y mood probably wasn't the best idea. At least only a small amount of the public had to deal with me. Sorry Ver! Loves you! So I have the patch back on today since I am second on at the bar and will be around smoking friends.
And I've kind of stopped drinking, at least for a bit. Originally I decided that I'm gonna not drink until I go to Las Vegas on the 19th. But after my tattoo I decided since I didn't get my traditional smoke, I at least deserved a shot! So one shot so far is pretty darn good in my book. We'll see how tonight goes. I know if I drink and then drink enough I'm going to convince myself that one shared cigarette won't be bad. And one wouldn't be. But then my drunk mind would tell me that one more wouldn't either. And then all the damn money I spent on patches would be for not. So I know it's in my best, albeit boring, interest for me to not drink right now. Ugh, why I gotta be all smart and shit?
But I know this is what I have to do. As much as I L.O.V.E. smoking, I know it's bad for me. There is not ONE good benefit to it. Oh except for the slow, painful, expensive death it ensues. Forgot about that stellar one. I'm over it, I'm better than smoking. The end. Just have to keep telling myself that. And this time I'm serious. I hate being a quitter, especially so many times. This is the last time!
This is me going forward. I'm tired of looking back and living in the past. On so many accounts. It's so easy to gloss over memories and see the best and forget about the worst and the pain. But they're there too! I don't know, I'm sure this ramble is pretty similar to the last one, but it's what's on my mind currently. If I don't change I never will. It's not just gonna POOF and happen without me making it. So I'm making it :D
I will leave you with a crappy pic of my new tattoo. It (and my back) are prettier in person, I swear!
It was fine. Completely dead for the first three hours. Luckily two of my friends came in and helped clean my tattoo for me. Nothing says true friends like "sure I'll touch your open wound"! Then there was a little party for the last night of Christmas. Which didn't make it too busy, just fun, and I got food. I'm down with that. And I only had to stretch and reach the top shelf once which was a big plus.
I quit smoking this year. So far so damn good. I've been using the patch which I know will still lead to me wanting to smoke once I finish using them, but they're working for now. Yesterday I tried no patch since I'm running down and I was just staying at home anyway. That plus my awesome pms-y mood probably wasn't the best idea. At least only a small amount of the public had to deal with me. Sorry Ver! Loves you! So I have the patch back on today since I am second on at the bar and will be around smoking friends.
And I've kind of stopped drinking, at least for a bit. Originally I decided that I'm gonna not drink until I go to Las Vegas on the 19th. But after my tattoo I decided since I didn't get my traditional smoke, I at least deserved a shot! So one shot so far is pretty darn good in my book. We'll see how tonight goes. I know if I drink and then drink enough I'm going to convince myself that one shared cigarette won't be bad. And one wouldn't be. But then my drunk mind would tell me that one more wouldn't either. And then all the damn money I spent on patches would be for not. So I know it's in my best, albeit boring, interest for me to not drink right now. Ugh, why I gotta be all smart and shit?
But I know this is what I have to do. As much as I L.O.V.E. smoking, I know it's bad for me. There is not ONE good benefit to it. Oh except for the slow, painful, expensive death it ensues. Forgot about that stellar one. I'm over it, I'm better than smoking. The end. Just have to keep telling myself that. And this time I'm serious. I hate being a quitter, especially so many times. This is the last time!
This is me going forward. I'm tired of looking back and living in the past. On so many accounts. It's so easy to gloss over memories and see the best and forget about the worst and the pain. But they're there too! I don't know, I'm sure this ramble is pretty similar to the last one, but it's what's on my mind currently. If I don't change I never will. It's not just gonna POOF and happen without me making it. So I'm making it :D
I will leave you with a crappy pic of my new tattoo. It (and my back) are prettier in person, I swear!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Winter time
Brrrr. Okay so it's actually not that cold today. Just wet and chilly. The snow that dumped on us is pretty much gone down here. Making the town have that re-exposed garbage filled streets look we usually see in spring. Wish it was spring! Actually I'm excited for winter and settling into my new place. I'm not looking forward to unpacking all my crap I should just get rid of, but I do like setting up house. Things I plan on doing this winter season:
-Getting my ass to the gym. Regularly!
-Leaning back towards a vegetarian diet. I just feel drawn to it. Might as well accept it.
-Ace my state job interview on Monday and get a big girl job.
-Make myself spend time being artsy. Explore new mediums and craft styles. Just started using thin tip and paint brush tip markers. Very outside my comfort zone and fun.
-Work on being me and figuring out who that is. It's something I've thought about for a long time and need to get down to it. I need to know me and what I want before I can expect someone else to!
-Think outside myself. Again this is something I often think about but don't act on. I want to make a difference, even if it's just a teeny tiny one.
What I've done so far this winter:
-Reduced my smoking. I'm down from a pack a day to zero to two to five a day. I'll take it! And I'll get to zero all the time. But it's a big baby step for me.
-Moved! And dang I never want to again!
-Started pushing myself artistically Working on filling up all my half used sketch books. And actually honing and expanding my photography skills.
-Seen through bullshit. I'm over games and drama. I want friends not people that bring me down. Luckily I've got good friends.
And for my final list, Things I heart at the moment in no particular order:
-Lady Gaga I am thoroughly impressed with her level of committment to weird entertainment. I think she's rad and fun to shake my ass to, so there.
-The Kardashians I should be ashamed to admit this, but I'm so looking forward to the new show on Dec 13th. I think there should be a drinking game involved. Something along the lines of a shot every time they hold their phone in front of their mouth to talk. But you'd be passed out before it was over!
-My friends! This has definitely been an interesting fall into winter and not the best by far. I couldn't survive without my V!! And Bumble Bee and Lil' Miss Cap't.
-Candy canes Yum, yay Christmas time! But only the good ones, Bob's. So very derish! Dang I knew I should have brought one to work!
-V's parents A couple of those rare genuinely nice people! So very very nice. I haven't been around a family setting in so long, it's like being wrapped in a blanket and handed a kitten and cocoa and then being told silly almost off color jokes. And they're being super understanding of my money flow as I transition apartments and jobs.
Gee I guess that's about it. Now to try and do these lists. And semi regularly blog about it to boot!
-Getting my ass to the gym. Regularly!
-Leaning back towards a vegetarian diet. I just feel drawn to it. Might as well accept it.
-Ace my state job interview on Monday and get a big girl job.
-Make myself spend time being artsy. Explore new mediums and craft styles. Just started using thin tip and paint brush tip markers. Very outside my comfort zone and fun.
-Work on being me and figuring out who that is. It's something I've thought about for a long time and need to get down to it. I need to know me and what I want before I can expect someone else to!
-Think outside myself. Again this is something I often think about but don't act on. I want to make a difference, even if it's just a teeny tiny one.
What I've done so far this winter:
-Reduced my smoking. I'm down from a pack a day to zero to two to five a day. I'll take it! And I'll get to zero all the time. But it's a big baby step for me.
-Moved! And dang I never want to again!
-Started pushing myself artistically Working on filling up all my half used sketch books. And actually honing and expanding my photography skills.
-Seen through bullshit. I'm over games and drama. I want friends not people that bring me down. Luckily I've got good friends.
And for my final list, Things I heart at the moment in no particular order:
-Lady Gaga I am thoroughly impressed with her level of committment to weird entertainment. I think she's rad and fun to shake my ass to, so there.
-The Kardashians I should be ashamed to admit this, but I'm so looking forward to the new show on Dec 13th. I think there should be a drinking game involved. Something along the lines of a shot every time they hold their phone in front of their mouth to talk. But you'd be passed out before it was over!
-My friends! This has definitely been an interesting fall into winter and not the best by far. I couldn't survive without my V!! And Bumble Bee and Lil' Miss Cap't.
-Candy canes Yum, yay Christmas time! But only the good ones, Bob's. So very derish! Dang I knew I should have brought one to work!
-V's parents A couple of those rare genuinely nice people! So very very nice. I haven't been around a family setting in so long, it's like being wrapped in a blanket and handed a kitten and cocoa and then being told silly almost off color jokes. And they're being super understanding of my money flow as I transition apartments and jobs.
Gee I guess that's about it. Now to try and do these lists. And semi regularly blog about it to boot!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Molehilling
Over the last three years or so I've done a great job of incurring a mountain of debt. Oh you bought a house? No. You bought a car? Nope. You, uh, bought groceries and movies and nights at the bar for you and others? That's the one. Nothing like being massively in debt and not actually having anything to show for it. Pure radness. I've been trying to pay them off forever, but something always gets in the way of me making a dent. Such as moving out, transitioning to a new job, etc. I went back to Stabby World specifically to pay off my credit cards. And all summer I really haven't been able to. I've been playing catch up with my rent, that's fun. Oh yeah. But this month I suddenly had a chunk of moola to use (wisely). I was able to pay off my tiny credit card last month, it was under a grand. And then just yesterday I was able to pay off my middle credit card which was several grand. So now I just have one huge momma to pay off. And I was able to put a nice piece of cash towards that too. So I'm back to being broke, but way ahead of the game. Now I only have on card accruing interest, yay! I feel so good! And I was able to pay my bar tab that has been running since about April. Luckily I haven't gone out a ton this summer, but whooo boy it got up there.
So that's the awesomeness that is my life at the moment. That and I have 12, oh yes count em, 12! days left of boats coming into my town! And I have 20 more days until I get to fly outta here and see my sister! I am so effing excited! I can't wait!! Can you tell? I'm just a little excited :) I still don't know where I will be most of my vacation but I will be in SEA for 3 days and then I fly to BOS on Oct 4th and don't return to SEA until Oct 24th and then Juneau Oct 31st. Just in time for Halloween!
Ideally I will spend some time with my Mom (hopefully with Becki there!) in CT, spend some time up in VT with her family, hit MD for the Ray LaMontagne concert and also cruise around Boston with my awesome ice / mountain / top of the world climbing friend. If I sit on my ass in CT with just my Mom for three weeks, oh well at least it'll be different than sitting on my ass here. But hopefully all the fun stuff happens.
Speaking of Becki, today is the last time their boat is in town. And because they aren't picking up passengers tomorrow, they aren't staying over night. Bull shit. Pure bull shit. So I don't know when I get to see her or for how long, so that sucks a big one. And then at the soonest I won't see her for 22 days. If then. Pooop. But whatev's, it's all gonna be fine I know it!
And on that note I think it's time I got outside. Today is my favorite day of the season. The boat doesn't come in until 1pm and it's crisp and kinda sunny out. The perfect day to get a latte, light a smoke and walk on the tranquil empty docks. Ahhh. I love it.
So that's the awesomeness that is my life at the moment. That and I have 12, oh yes count em, 12! days left of boats coming into my town! And I have 20 more days until I get to fly outta here and see my sister! I am so effing excited! I can't wait!! Can you tell? I'm just a little excited :) I still don't know where I will be most of my vacation but I will be in SEA for 3 days and then I fly to BOS on Oct 4th and don't return to SEA until Oct 24th and then Juneau Oct 31st. Just in time for Halloween!
Ideally I will spend some time with my Mom (hopefully with Becki there!) in CT, spend some time up in VT with her family, hit MD for the Ray LaMontagne concert and also cruise around Boston with my awesome ice / mountain / top of the world climbing friend. If I sit on my ass in CT with just my Mom for three weeks, oh well at least it'll be different than sitting on my ass here. But hopefully all the fun stuff happens.
Speaking of Becki, today is the last time their boat is in town. And because they aren't picking up passengers tomorrow, they aren't staying over night. Bull shit. Pure bull shit. So I don't know when I get to see her or for how long, so that sucks a big one. And then at the soonest I won't see her for 22 days. If then. Pooop. But whatev's, it's all gonna be fine I know it!
And on that note I think it's time I got outside. Today is my favorite day of the season. The boat doesn't come in until 1pm and it's crisp and kinda sunny out. The perfect day to get a latte, light a smoke and walk on the tranquil empty docks. Ahhh. I love it.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Doin it
Day two of walking. And I got up and did it. As much as I didn't want to and had a splitting headache. But I feel much better having done so. So the whole quitting smoking thing got put on hold. But I have a really good reason, I swear. I ordered patches online and they won't be here till early next week. And B comes in tomorrow and she's the one person I would really want to smoke with. Sooo if I wait until my patches come in then I will have two full weeks without B in which to be a bitch and quit then. See? Perfect. That and the uber stupid-not-important-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things drama that occurred yesterday helped me wait to quit.
I'm not going to be all catty and talk about the argument or the person involved. What I will talk about is mother fucking miscommunications. Person A sees things in red, person B sees things in blue. For all the fuck we know, they're both right, but they're gonna fight to the death disagreeing with each other. Why?! It is so frustrating. The worst part about my shit is, really this is why you're gonna carry hate in your heart for me? This? Good choice, have fun with that. I am honestly sorry for lots of things I did wrong in the past. Lots. Unfortunately I can't change a one of them. But I've moved on and am learning from the mistakes I've made. I'm not continuing to be malicious, I'm not arguing for arguments sake, I swear to fucking God. If I'm standing my ground it's because I honestly believe I am correct. There, that's it. I've said my piece. It's out of my hands. I can't let petty arguments linger in me, it's not healthy and certainly not worth it.
In much better news, it was 59 degrees when Ver and I drove by the temp sign last night. At TEN PM! WTF?! If I've ever needed to use an interrobang that would be the sentence. And if you know what one is, I love you (Ver :) ) I can't believe this bizarre hot weather. It'd be way nicer if say I was skinny enough to wear a skirt without my thighs starting a fire, if I wasn't a ginger and could absorb pigment, if our AC worked in the store, or if I was independently wealthy and could cruise on a high end super tiny tour boat all summer and be waited on by the hottest steward on earth. Yeah that would be the tits. But c'est la vie right? This is still the best summer of my life. Well, so far that is, who knows what the future holds.
Today I'm gonna bust out the majority of my payroll so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow morning. Ver and I are getting up early yet again, crazy I know! To go hike out to Dupont. I'm really excited, I've never been there and the weather is going to be perfect for it. Then I have to come to the shop, meet with the bookkeeper and do payroll. Then maybe use the internet and order prints of Sitka pictures while I wait for my love to get off the boat. Then I'm stealing her away to a beach. It's too nice for bars. That's for later that night!
Have a great weekend! I know I will! Ha!
I'm not going to be all catty and talk about the argument or the person involved. What I will talk about is mother fucking miscommunications. Person A sees things in red, person B sees things in blue. For all the fuck we know, they're both right, but they're gonna fight to the death disagreeing with each other. Why?! It is so frustrating. The worst part about my shit is, really this is why you're gonna carry hate in your heart for me? This? Good choice, have fun with that. I am honestly sorry for lots of things I did wrong in the past. Lots. Unfortunately I can't change a one of them. But I've moved on and am learning from the mistakes I've made. I'm not continuing to be malicious, I'm not arguing for arguments sake, I swear to fucking God. If I'm standing my ground it's because I honestly believe I am correct. There, that's it. I've said my piece. It's out of my hands. I can't let petty arguments linger in me, it's not healthy and certainly not worth it.
In much better news, it was 59 degrees when Ver and I drove by the temp sign last night. At TEN PM! WTF?! If I've ever needed to use an interrobang that would be the sentence. And if you know what one is, I love you (Ver :) ) I can't believe this bizarre hot weather. It'd be way nicer if say I was skinny enough to wear a skirt without my thighs starting a fire, if I wasn't a ginger and could absorb pigment, if our AC worked in the store, or if I was independently wealthy and could cruise on a high end super tiny tour boat all summer and be waited on by the hottest steward on earth. Yeah that would be the tits. But c'est la vie right? This is still the best summer of my life. Well, so far that is, who knows what the future holds.
Today I'm gonna bust out the majority of my payroll so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow morning. Ver and I are getting up early yet again, crazy I know! To go hike out to Dupont. I'm really excited, I've never been there and the weather is going to be perfect for it. Then I have to come to the shop, meet with the bookkeeper and do payroll. Then maybe use the internet and order prints of Sitka pictures while I wait for my love to get off the boat. Then I'm stealing her away to a beach. It's too nice for bars. That's for later that night!
Have a great weekend! I know I will! Ha!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Best Me
First off, Sitka trip. Fantastic! Ver and I finally made it out of this town, but barely. So we decided to drink the night before, just a little, just to see how it feels :) I went home around 12:30, don't know when she went home. She picked me up in the morning to head to the ferry terminal and asked if I had the tickets on the way out there. I said we get them there all we need is our ID's. So she has me look through her purse for her wallet. No wallet. Yikes. So we flip a bitch and head back to her house. Tear it apart, still no wallet. We decide to check the bar in hopes the cleaners are there and they have it. No cleaners, still no wallet. So we rush over to her job and she gets a photocopy of her ID. Now we haul ass out to the ferry terminal which is about as far away as you can get in this town, still not knowing if they will let her on. We got there and pleaded our case and they let us on. Thank goodness! The ride was fun and boring. Got into town and the ex showed us all around Sitka, it was so much fun. That town is beautiful! He dropped us off at the PBar and we hung out with B's coworker till she got off the boat. Had some drinks, checked into our hotel, went back and had more drinks. It was so effing perfect! Best weekend of my life basically. And I get to see her this weekend, three in a row! The next one is gonna blow. I'm already planning a repeat trip next month.
Now onto me. Ver and I have been talking about being healthier since I've been on my own, and making baby steps towards it. But not really getting that far. After coming back from Sitka I got a massively bad flu and am just getting over it. Because of that my last pack of smokes lasted me like four days, pretty good for me. So I decided that pack was my last! Today Ver and I got up at 5:30 and walked 4.3 miles. I had breakfast, I put on a patch she gave me and got to work on time without coffee. So this is me working on me. I've come to the realization that part of the reason my prior relationships haven't worked is because I am so focused on becoming part of the other person and not staying my own person. I think by doing this I can give B the best me. And I deserve to be the best me. I feel great and so optimistic, I have my whole great life ahead of me. And I'm so excited for it.
And the all the fluttery-worried-excited feeling I had in my stomach all week prior to going to Sitka about telling B I loved her? Well she beat me to it, so I guess we are on exactly the same page. Life is fucking amazing!
Now onto me. Ver and I have been talking about being healthier since I've been on my own, and making baby steps towards it. But not really getting that far. After coming back from Sitka I got a massively bad flu and am just getting over it. Because of that my last pack of smokes lasted me like four days, pretty good for me. So I decided that pack was my last! Today Ver and I got up at 5:30 and walked 4.3 miles. I had breakfast, I put on a patch she gave me and got to work on time without coffee. So this is me working on me. I've come to the realization that part of the reason my prior relationships haven't worked is because I am so focused on becoming part of the other person and not staying my own person. I think by doing this I can give B the best me. And I deserve to be the best me. I feel great and so optimistic, I have my whole great life ahead of me. And I'm so excited for it.
And the all the fluttery-worried-excited feeling I had in my stomach all week prior to going to Sitka about telling B I loved her? Well she beat me to it, so I guess we are on exactly the same page. Life is fucking amazing!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Life Is Good
It really really is. The weather has been amazing the last several weeks. Not days, weeks! Like it got to the 90's last week. Which is slightly hotter than my Alaskan body is used to, but it was fantastic none the less.
The summer is flying by, I can't believe it's already mid July! The 4th was fun. I didn't do the usual watch the parade then walk to Douglas. Instead I saw the very beginning of the parade and then ran away and got a tour of B's boat, The Mist Cove. Holy hell that thing is beautiful! I can see why people spend $5K for a week on it.
In other B news, I bought a ticket to visit her in Sitka in two weeks. Yeaa! I can't wait. I've never been to Sitka so that will be fun too, but I could really care less where I am as long as I get to spend time with her. And I'll get to see the ex dude so that will be cool too.
I just started running our other store and will be doing that for the next two weeks or so. It's a nice change from the shop, but I have a feeling I will just end up working all the time at both places. I don't know anything about glass compared to my five years of knife knowledge so that's a little weird to get used to. Lots of convincing sounding lies for now :)
V and I decided to quit drinking for a bit. We started a week ago today and are doing pretty good. Not a drink yet. I don't think I'm all that bad, but I know how I act when I'm drinking. And it's not so bad, but I really like B and I know drinking without her around would probably end in me doing something that would not be good. So no more wasted nights in the bar. At least not until next Saturday when she is safely by my side. Maybe not even then, I haven't decided. But I am saving lots of money already.
Speaking of saving money, V and I had the great idea to freeze our credit cards. We just keep using them on stuff we don't need but want and it's not getting us anywhere good. So we put all of our credit cards in a ziploc and put it in a plastic container and filled the container with water. And shoved it in her freezer. And there it's been for a week. So we're doing pretty damn good over all. It really helps to have a friend doing the same stuff along with me.
We're also trying to exercise and eat better. That's not going quite as well. We did walk over a very rocky beach yesterday, so that's good. I did eat one of the new McD's 3rd pounder burgers today, that's not so good. Eh baby steps right? And somewhere along the way I'll try and quit smoking again, but damn it can't I keep one vice? Please and thank you!
And that's my life at the moment. Absolutely in love and loving life.
The summer is flying by, I can't believe it's already mid July! The 4th was fun. I didn't do the usual watch the parade then walk to Douglas. Instead I saw the very beginning of the parade and then ran away and got a tour of B's boat, The Mist Cove. Holy hell that thing is beautiful! I can see why people spend $5K for a week on it.
In other B news, I bought a ticket to visit her in Sitka in two weeks. Yeaa! I can't wait. I've never been to Sitka so that will be fun too, but I could really care less where I am as long as I get to spend time with her. And I'll get to see the ex dude so that will be cool too.
I just started running our other store and will be doing that for the next two weeks or so. It's a nice change from the shop, but I have a feeling I will just end up working all the time at both places. I don't know anything about glass compared to my five years of knife knowledge so that's a little weird to get used to. Lots of convincing sounding lies for now :)
V and I decided to quit drinking for a bit. We started a week ago today and are doing pretty good. Not a drink yet. I don't think I'm all that bad, but I know how I act when I'm drinking. And it's not so bad, but I really like B and I know drinking without her around would probably end in me doing something that would not be good. So no more wasted nights in the bar. At least not until next Saturday when she is safely by my side. Maybe not even then, I haven't decided. But I am saving lots of money already.
Speaking of saving money, V and I had the great idea to freeze our credit cards. We just keep using them on stuff we don't need but want and it's not getting us anywhere good. So we put all of our credit cards in a ziploc and put it in a plastic container and filled the container with water. And shoved it in her freezer. And there it's been for a week. So we're doing pretty damn good over all. It really helps to have a friend doing the same stuff along with me.
We're also trying to exercise and eat better. That's not going quite as well. We did walk over a very rocky beach yesterday, so that's good. I did eat one of the new McD's 3rd pounder burgers today, that's not so good. Eh baby steps right? And somewhere along the way I'll try and quit smoking again, but damn it can't I keep one vice? Please and thank you!
And that's my life at the moment. Absolutely in love and loving life.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Plans, Scams, and Plarn Part II
Alright Plans, Scams, and Plarn Part II
Scams
I was minding my own business about to make lunch when someone knocked on the door. It was a guy, probably early to mid twenties. His name was Justin and he said he had just got back from Iraq and was going door to door to brush up on his social skills.
Said there were about fifty of them in town. First he asked me about my job, since that's what they were supposed to ask apparently. Talked about the snow and how he isn't used to it, but might move here someday. Then he said that they are accruing points and I can help! Gee I can? Tell me how! So basically the government is having a magazine drive to get guys like him into med school. Why the big alarms didn't go off then I don't know, only the little ones did. So I looked it over. I asked him what part of the service he was in, he told me but it sounded weird. I told him I'd buy a subscription, but didn't have cash or check which is what he needed. He said he couldn't bill me and that he'd come by the bar later. I told him where I work remember? So then when he was leaving he asked if I knew the other people in the building. He asked if any of them were older. That and the weird answer about his military branch set off the big alarms. I said goodbye and emailed S. And then got really freaked out. Sure he just wanted my money, but he could have just been some insane person walking by wanting to cut up a stranger. I'm all alone with a dog who will lick you to death if anything. Big help she would be.
So one I feel like an idiot for even half believing him. But two I feel weird and violated that he came to my door. He came to where I live. And he could have been a worse person wanting to do worse things. It's just creepy and horrifying and adds to my long list of paranoia. S told me to call the non emergency police number, but I'm still to weirded out by it. So she's gonna call. She's the best. I love her so much.
And I don't want to leave the house but Zyda really has to go and I think a smoke would do me good. So I'm just gonna man up and do it.
Alright, after the doggy pee break, onto part three of our exciting tri-blog-ogy, Plarn!
Plans, Scams, and Plarn
This is going to be a three parter since blog material has been stacking up. Part one of Plans, Scams and Plarn:
Plans
So S and I have been talking plans. Plans for us and our future. They're all good and necessary, but only one is fun. Next year start TTC! Huzzah! So of course we were all baby centered when we went out for a date on Friday (which was a blast!). Well, more donor centered. And finding the cheapest way to have a baby. Hell the hetero's do it for free, why can't we?
One of our potential donor's was at the bar, since he owns it and all, and instead of waiting for him to get liquored up, S waits until she's had several martini's and blurts out: We need your sperm, J. We need it! He just ends up laughing, we all do. It was hilarious. But I think in a year he might be willing to spare some for us. We'll see.
Oh and Friday night rocked. We haven't been doing anything fun lately, so we decided to get dressed up and go out. I'll try to upload to flickr but it takes forever. Basically we were two hot bitches if I do say so myself:)
Okay back to plans. While bartending an incredibly boring offsite event I wrote a to do list for '09. Here goes.
- Get divorced I've been separated since '06/'07, completely in love with S, it's damn time.
- Pay off debt I have a very large balance that needs to go away. Hence me taking the job at the knife shop again.
- Start Savings Account
- Obedience train Zyda Enough said.
- Lose weight I'm tired of being fat and I know I can lose it. So this is the year.
- Pick a career
- Fix our relationship
- Make money from my crafts I only mean this in that I need to push myself. I am fairly crafty, if I can make any money off of it, maybe I can make it my job.
- Budget! And stick to it
- Get a passport and travel
- Take a class I've been out of school for about a decade, my brain is rotting. Any class, anywhere. From UAS to a craft class to something online. Anything.
- Be more communicative
- Learn a new skill or hobby
- Spend time with friends
- Quit smoking
Next up Part Two: Scams
Friday, August 29, 2008
Bucket list
I haven't seen the movie, and frankly I don't want to. Yes, let's watch old men do things and then die. Ahh, that does sound like two quality hours. Anyhoo, I do like the idea (but not the name) of a bucket list. Things to do before you kick the bucket, for those of you reading from under a rock.
I don't have a lot of things I have to do. I just don't care as much as others. But I do have at least two:
- Get a traditional style super fucking painful tattoo. You know, the tap tap kind, not the buzz buzz modern kind. Preferably in New Zealand, one of the few faraway destinations that I really, really want to go to.
- Go to Machu Picchu. I was just reminded of just how badly I want this when I was perusing Mrs. B's awesome pictures.
What I really need to do is just work at my credit card debt. Once that's gone, if I filled it up again with a trip at least that would be more worth it than drinking and eating out.
Which brings me to quitting. I need to quit smoking. I could be saving so much money. Let's see, we'll say a pack a day, cause it pretty much is. That is $49 dollars a week at $7 a pack, $210 a month, $2,520 a YEAR. That is how much I spend, to kill myself yearly. Dear god, I don't want to get into how much I spend on drinks. Hell, even if I didn't save the money, I could afford to have cable and internet (not the spotty stolen kind), or it could go towards my debt. Or I could go to the gym, the good one in town, not the ghetto gym I used to. That's it. I have to quit again. I just need Sarah on my side this time. It's too hard to do when my lovely is still smoking after every meal.
Anyway that turned into a lovely little ramble. Off to take pictures of Zyda while she's all sleepy and adorable.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Stats
So when I quit smoking, I put an app on my myspace tallying how much I've saved etc. Here are the totals up until today when I bought a pack. For the app, I averaged I smoked 13 cig's a day:
Cigarettes not smoked: 548
Money saved: $191.80
So I saved almost two hundred dollars and didn't smoke about 55o. But I did smoke bummed cigarettes, so I probably didn't smoke around 530, which is still pretty damn good. Gee, I don't feel like I have an extra two hundred sitting around. I should just put $7 in a jar everyday to simulate spending it, then I would have the money. Maybe I will do that starting now.
Anyway, it's interesting to see how it adds up.
Cigarettes not smoked: 548
Money saved: $191.80
So I saved almost two hundred dollars and didn't smoke about 55o. But I did smoke bummed cigarettes, so I probably didn't smoke around 530, which is still pretty damn good. Gee, I don't feel like I have an extra two hundred sitting around. I should just put $7 in a jar everyday to simulate spending it, then I would have the money. Maybe I will do that starting now.
Anyway, it's interesting to see how it adds up.
Quitting or lack there of
So six weeks ago, I quit smoking. Cold turkey, no patch, no gum. And I did really well for a while. It also helps that when I quit I had the mother of all chest colds and couldn't breath without horrible rattling noises coming from my chest. Well I got over the cold and still didn't smoke. Apparently the first three days are the hardest, after that the nicotine is out of your system and it's all mental. Uh, maybe it's just me, but the mental part is way harder. Hell if I had self control I'd be a size 4.
During these six weeks I've probably smoke about a pack or pack and a half of bummed or pilfered cigs. Not bad for someone who used to smoke a pack (or more) a day. The worst time is when I'm drinking, I get drunk and I just don't care, I want to smoke. But during the day, I really don't want to. Until the last couple of days that is.
Today I bought a pack, the first one in six weeks. I didn't have anyone to bum any from and for some reason just really wanted to smoke. So I did. And it was damn delicious. But now I have an almost full pack in my purse. Very dangerous. I don't know how to limit myself to just one or two a day. I don't want to fall back into the routine of smoking when I get up, after eating, out drinking, etc. But it's so hard. Pretty much all of my friends smoke, which isn't that bad most of the time. But when everyone leaves the bar to go outside and smoke, I just want to do it too. Especially when I'm bartending and I want an excuse to get away from lame customers. When I wasn't smoking, I immediatly didn't like the smell of smoke. My nose started working waaay better and I could smell smoke on everything.
And it's not like I don't know the danger of smoking. My dad died of cancer. Had nothing to do with smoking, but it's the same horrible death.
I always half joke that if I get knuckle tattoos, they would read DONT QUIT. Because I like smoking and drinking and I have a habit of staying in unhealthy relationships (work, personal) much longer than I should because I don't like to quit things. But it's also fairly optimistic, don't quit living, trying, doing. Maybe I should focus on the positive side and try not to quit quitting.
During these six weeks I've probably smoke about a pack or pack and a half of bummed or pilfered cigs. Not bad for someone who used to smoke a pack (or more) a day. The worst time is when I'm drinking, I get drunk and I just don't care, I want to smoke. But during the day, I really don't want to. Until the last couple of days that is.
Today I bought a pack, the first one in six weeks. I didn't have anyone to bum any from and for some reason just really wanted to smoke. So I did. And it was damn delicious. But now I have an almost full pack in my purse. Very dangerous. I don't know how to limit myself to just one or two a day. I don't want to fall back into the routine of smoking when I get up, after eating, out drinking, etc. But it's so hard. Pretty much all of my friends smoke, which isn't that bad most of the time. But when everyone leaves the bar to go outside and smoke, I just want to do it too. Especially when I'm bartending and I want an excuse to get away from lame customers. When I wasn't smoking, I immediatly didn't like the smell of smoke. My nose started working waaay better and I could smell smoke on everything.
And it's not like I don't know the danger of smoking. My dad died of cancer. Had nothing to do with smoking, but it's the same horrible death.
I always half joke that if I get knuckle tattoos, they would read DONT QUIT. Because I like smoking and drinking and I have a habit of staying in unhealthy relationships (work, personal) much longer than I should because I don't like to quit things. But it's also fairly optimistic, don't quit living, trying, doing. Maybe I should focus on the positive side and try not to quit quitting.
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